I'll Let You Live
by WritingMonkey
Summary: Set a year after graduation. Brooke gets a letter from Peyton telling her to come back to Tree Hill, that she is leaving. Breyton, I suck at summaries, just humor me and read it.
1. All These Things That I've Done

**_AN: Okay, so i've had this fic just kind of sitting on my computer going nowhere for a while now. I don't have the end worked out yet, but I do have most of the chapters already written. I know I haven't posted anything in a while and well that's because I'll start a story and then I just can't finish it, I don't knwo where to take it. So anyway, myabe by the time I've posted all these chapters I'll have the ending written. Without further interruption I give you yet another story I'm not quite sure about but hope you like none the less._**

**-All These Things That I've Done-**

How did we get to this point? How did I let things get so screwed up? How could I have caused so much damage? And why am I asking you? The truth is I honestly never meant what I said. I know what I said, and I cannot fathom how it all came out so wrong. I had it perfectly prepared in my mind, and then it all went to shit. I still don't understand how that happened. And then there was you, I hurt you so much, and it killed me that I did that to you, I hate myself everyday for it.

So right about now you're probably wondering what the hell I'm going on about. Why, after a little more than a year, I am reaching out to you. It's hard to explain, it really is. You see, in order for me to understand it myself, I would have to know how this whole mess happened, which I don't, so I know this will be even herder for you to understand. You were my everything, and I broke you, I broke us, and it pushed you away, and out of my life forever. I caused that. So here's the part where I try and make you understand.

I said that I still had feelings for Lucas – I didn't. Sure, as a friend I still loved him, but never as anything more. I don't even think I was ever in love with him, I think he was just as close as I could get. But that ended up hurting you. When I told you, I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I didn't mean to say that I had feeling for him. What I meant to say was, you know I honestly can't even remember anymore. All the pain I have caused has some how deemed me unable to remember what I had originally intended to say. So I don't even know anymore.

What I do know, is that it was always you Brooke. You were my best friend, my sister, my confidant, my everything. I felt like you were slipping away, so many times over the years, and I couldn't handle that. Everyone else had left me, but you never did, until I caused you to.

Your home is in Tree Hill Brooke. You know that, I know that. I am the reason you left your home. I want you to be able to come home. There are people here who love you, who want you to come home. I am one of them, but I know I hurt you too much. So without going into more detail and spilling all that I would like to, for fear of hurting the both of us more than I already have, I won't go there.

Brooke, you belong in Tree Hill. For all that I have done, for everyone I have hurt, for all the pain I have caused, I know I can do this one thing at least for you. I am giving you your home back. There is nothing left for me here, there hasn't been since the day you left. This past year has been one of the hardest of my life, but you don't need to hear that. This us your chance Brooke, come home. I'm trying to move on, and I can't do that here. You can come back to Tree Hill, you can come back and never have to deal with me again, and with the pain I have caused. I know people miss you, Lucas, Haley, hell, even Rachel misses you. They need you Brooke, and I know you need them.

So come home, back to where you belong, you deserve all of that. I won't stand in your way anymore. I won't hold you back; I won't be the cause of your pain. Take this Brooke; it is all I have to give. There is nothing to keep me here, so I'm leaving, and giving you back what you lost. Your home, your heart. Let me do this for you Brooke, let me do this one thing right.

-Peyton.


	2. Somebody Told Me

**_AN: Sorry for the delay, you know how it is and what with the site giving me trouble, but anyway, updates! I hope you are liking this story, thanks to those who reviewed, and feel free to send me praise or to outright flame me for the badness that may follow. Enjoy._**

**-Somebody Told Me-**

After last week, I honestly didn't know what to think anymore. I thought I was fine living in New York. But if I was being truthful to myself, I really did miss Tree Hill. Peyton was right, it's my home, and that is where I belong. I just don't know what to make of her letter. I must have re-read that thing a half dozen times trying to figure everything out. So she never meant that she was in love with Lucas. Then what the hell did she mean to say? It's true, part of why I left Tree Hill was because of Peyton. It felt like she tore my heart out, and then I was so angry with her, I didn't think we could make it better, so I left after graduation. This last year hasn't been easy, I really do miss all my friends, even Peyton, I miss her the most, but I was never able to bring myself back here. Yet here I stand, a week after getting her letter, and I'm back in Tree Hill.

I've come home, but I don't know if it's for good. Did Peyton really leave? I need to know, I don't know why, but I still feel like she will always be my best friend. Weird, I know, but that girl has been with me through everything, and then I lost it. Sure, she may have been the catalyst but if I think about it rationally, it was partly my fault too. I mean, I didn't really love Lucas, so my reaction to her was so over the top. But that's me, Brooke Davis, ever the drama queen. So in a way, even though she hurt me so much, I blame myself too. I still don't understand it, I blew up for reasons not really having to do with the situation, and she didn't really mean what she said. She was right, this is a huge mess.

I drove by her house on my way back into town. It looked empty, almost dead; I wonder if she really has left. So now here I stand, in front of the door of the boy I thought I loved, thought loved the girl I love, thought loved me, thought everything. I guess I was wrong. Ever since I got her letter, I have had this bad feeling. I have the overwhelming urge to see Peyton. A part of me is still mad at her, but I think more than anything, I just miss her. I feel like I lost a part of me when I told her our friendship was over. I haven't been whole since. Damn our stubbornness, maybe we would have been able to fix this sooner, if we could actually figure out what happened. So here I stand, about to see Lucas, trying to figure out what to say, trying to figure out how I lost my best friend. Standing here, about to knock on his door, seems so foreign to me, yet so natural. And yet I am nervous as hell. I wait, for what seems like a lifetime, and then the door opens.

"Hello Lucas."

"Brooke, what are you doing here?"

He wraps me up in a huge hug. I am happy to see him, but I think he's happier.

"I've missed you pretty girl."

We make meaningless small talk, and then slowly we get to the point of my visit. Actually, oddly enough, he gets to the point before I get the courage to bring it up.

"Peyton stopped by a few days ago, said she was probably leaving. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it; she was very cryptic about the whole thing. She didn't say exactly when she was going to go though, but it seemed like she meant soon, and it didn't seem like she was going to say goodbye before she took off."

"I know, I got a letter from her last week, kind of vague too, she told me to come home, that I belonged here."

"You do belong here, we all miss you. Now before I forget, when she dropped by, she told me some stuff to tell you if you did come back, which now makes more sense. So do you want to do that now, or are we going to have some more mundane conversation?"

"I'm sorry, Luke, I kind of wish I came back under better circumstances. This whole thing has been giving me this weird vibe, so for now I just want to know what the deal with her is, I guess. It's so very confusing, so just spill Broody."

"Well, she told me that if you happened to show up, that she wanted me to tell you pretty much all I knew since you've been gone, if you wanted to know. She said you might have questions, and it was okay to answer them if I knew how. She told me to tell you the story of her life since you guys had your fallout, even though I only know bits and pieces."

"I get it, she told you to tell me what I wanted to know. Why do you have to be so dramatic about things Lucas?"

"Well, I do like to annoy you sometimes. But also, I think you'll understand more once you know more. So this may take a little while, let's go take a walk or get some coffee or something. It really is good to see you Brooke."

"Coffee it is, and it's good to see you too. Maybe after we get all this out of the way, after I figure some stuff out, we can all get together, you, Hales, Nathan, and catch up?"

"Sure Brooke, I think we'd all like that."

"Alright, how's you're coffee?"

"Lucas, enough with the avoidance, start talking."

"Okay, well, after whatever happened between the two of you, in those like four months between then and graduation, I didn't really see her much. It was like she tried to avoid people as much as possible, never talking much, she wouldn't let anyone in. I tried to talk to her a couple of times, so did Nathan and Haley, but no one got anywhere. She was completely withdrawing. Anyway, you know you and I hung out a bit, even though we eventually ended things, but yeah so I guess you got that letter because with it being summer and all now, she figured you might not have a good enough excuse not to come home, so this was like the perfect time."

"Please, don't jump around, stay on topic here Luke, so after graduation…?"

"Right, well, you took off right after. And as far as I could tell, she fell further into her shell after that. It wasn't until about two months into last summer when I went to check on her because Haley said she saw Peyton walking down the street at like two in the morning with a dazed look and didn't respond to her. So anyway, I went to see her, and she was on her bathroom floor cutting lines of coke."

"She got back into drugs?"

"Yeah, apparently it had been going on since almost right after the fallout and had been getting increasingly worse up until that point, so it was like six months of it. I guess right around that time she hit rock bottom or something 'cause she just like flipped a switch and somehow got herself clean all on her own. It was really weird, I tried to get her to talk about, but like I said, she wasn't really talking to anyone. So then, by the next month she was clean, she was still in bad shape, and miserable as hell, but she was clean. I steadily saw more and more of her during the summer, I mean, she wasn't all friendly, but she had stopped trying to push me away so much. Anyway, I missed you, and felt like maybe Peyton still liked me, so being the idiot I obviously am, I tried to see if she might want to hook up."

"Luke, what the hell do you have in that big head of yours? Because you certainly don't have a brain."

"I'll ignore that. So I was being nice to her and stuff and then she figured out I wanted to be more than just friends, she completely flipped out on me. Went on this whole little ramble speech about how she never really liked me like that, how she would never do that to you even if you never spoke to her again, and a whole bunch of nonsense. That was actually one of like maybe three times where she actually spoke about you. I got the feeling it was a sore subject, I mean every time someone mentioned the name 'Brooke' she huddled over like she got kicked in the stomach. So anyway, she was yelling at me by the end and then she told me she was gay, which totally took me by surprise."

"Whoa, what? Peyton's gay? Wow, I never thought, I mean, Peyton's gay."

"Yeah, I know, I was shocked, but I kind of thought you would have known. But anyway, not the point. So I knew Peyton was gay then, and stopped trying to be a friend like that, and even though we didn't hang much, I still tried to be a friend to her, we all did. So, Nathan and Haley went to Duke in the fall, I took some classes closer to home to be here for my mom and the baby. I don't know if Peyton ever planned on doing anything. As far as I know she just stayed home and did who knows what, I never really saw her unless I actually went to her house. I know she worked at Tric on and off. And she was a mess most of the time, still is. It's like something's eating her up inside. She's been so depressed, but she won't talk to anyone about it, so again, I know very little."

"Continue, continue right up until like now with whatever you know."

"Okay, so I guess the next thing to start with would be when she showed up here a couple of days ago. I hadn't seen her in at least two months, and she just showed up. I don't know if she knew I was home this whole time or what, but what with it being summer now, it was a safe bet I'd be home. She came to my house, all cryptic, told me that if you showed up that I should tell you whatever I knew. She also told me that after I finished my little story to tell you to go to her house, that she had left something in her room for you. I don't know what it is. You know, come to think of it, she might actually still be in town. She saw me like two days ago, and there's been a bug going around and she looked like she might be getting it. Of course she has always kind of looked sick this past year, so I don't know. She might still be here, she might be gone already. That's all I know. I'm worried about her Brooke, but she won't let anyone in, it was like her world stopped the moment you left her."

"Huh, well, I don't exactly know how to respond, so I guess I'll make my way over to her house, see what I find. Thanks for the coffee Lucas, I'll call you later about maybe hanging out."

"Yeah, I hope you figure out whatever this whole mess is."

"Me too."


	3. If All Else Fails

**_AN: You know the drill, hope you like it, leave a review if you so desire._**

**-If All Else Fails-**

Brooke decided to walk over to Peyton's house. Along the way she couldn't help but think over everything she had just been told, and how it might relate to the letter, trying to figure out anything. It was all so confusing.

"_So Peyton's gay. Huh, I never would have thought that, well, maybe… Maybe that has something to do with this whole mess, maybe not. In the letter, she said I was her everything, what did that mean? I know she loved me, loves me, but is there more to it than friendly love? If that is the case, am I okay with that? Strangely yes, huh, that's odd. She started doing cocaine again. I was still around for four months but I avoided her. I didn't notice anything different about her. I mean sure she looked kind of sick, but I guess I just that that was stress or guilt or something. Why didn't I notice, I should have been there for her. Why did I react that way to the fight? I didn't even love Lucas. God, why is everything so messed up? What happened to you Peyton?" _

As she continued walking, more and more thoughts danced around her head. She examined every relationship she ever had, compared her feelings to each boy, how they made her feel, if the made her feel anything. She thought about Peyton and how they had been so close, how she always felt safe and at peace around her. Just being with her made her feel complete. As these thoughts and more endlessly swirled, realization dawned on her like a ton of bricks, stopping her dead in her tracks.

"Oh my God, I think I love Peyton."

Wait, this couldn't be right. But it felt real, sure, she had always loved the other girl, but maybe there was more to it. The jealousy she felt when someone else cut into her time with her friend, the fact that she truthfully preferred hanging out doing nothing with Peyton than getting drunk at some party. She was so hurt when she thought she really loved Lucas. Maybe this was why. Brooke wasn't sure of anything at this point; all she knew was that she needed to find Peyton. As she began to walk again, she noticed that she was already standing in front of the house in question. It was now or never, she desperately hoped Peyton hadn't left yet, but either way, she needed to find out more, what had she left for her, what really tore them apart, why the hell had everything gone to shit in such a confusingly monumental fashion?

The door was unlocked, as usual. Brooke slowly made her way inside of the house. Looking around, things seemed the same, yet so different. How could so much change in a year? The house seemed empty, she was starting to feel like maybe she was too late, she had already left. As she moved towards the stairs, she noticed a slight movement in the living room. Looking over, she saw a heap of blankets on the couch, surrounded by various tissues and what appeared to be cold medicines strewn out on the coffee table. Then she saw it, the small amount of curly blonde hair splayed about peeking out from under the blankets. She wasn't too late, Peyton was still here. Of course she appeared to be passed out, seemingly sick with that virus or whatever.

Despite the fact that she couldn't actually see her, Brooke could tell that she was indeed down for the count. That really must be one hell of a cold. Quickly deciding that she didn't want to wake nor was she ready to face the blonde quite yet, she hastily made her way up the stairs to the room she had once known so well.

Upon entering the room, Brooke almost let out a small gasp, it looked very different. There were curtains covering the windows, allowing very little light into the room, not that it would have mattered much anyway, the room was so dark anyway. The walls were painted a dark red and black, and all the paintings, sketches, any drawings, were virtually non-existent. The room was a mess to say the least, trash spread across the floor, mostly torn paper, cloths not hung up, just a complete chaos zone. The one drawing the brunette happened to notice that was still intact was one she didn't recognize. It showed two girls, one blonde, one brunette, standing on opposite ends of a hall. The blonde was reaching out towards the other, but looked like she couldn't get close enough. It was dark, of course angst filled, and sad. Obviously it was Brooke and Peyton. The drawing made her heart break, they couldn't get to one another, something was constantly keeping them apart. As Brooke continued to survey the room, she noticed a blown up version of Peyton's 'People Always Leave' artwork.

"I guess she was right, everyone left her. People always leave."

Looking around some more, her eyes fell on what she could only assume was what Peyton had intended to leave for her. The name 'Brooke' written across it also gave it away. It was another envelope, another letter.

_Dear Brooke – _

_Welcome home. This is where you belong, and now that I'm gone, I hope you will stay, because I know how much you love it here, and you really should stay._

_I imagine the abridged version of events over the past year that Lucas gave you has only left you more confused. Maybe you found some answers, I don't know. After all this time, I still don't know what to say. I used to think I had my life figured out. I thought I knew who I was, what I wanted to be, maybe even vaguely what I wanted to do. I don't know any of that anymore. I have no answers, I feel like I don't know anything anymore. But if there is one thing in this world I do know, it is music._

_--And if all else fails you can look up at the sky  
Because it's the same one that shines above you and I.  
And if all else fails you can close your eyes  
And I'll be right beside you.  
I'll be the one by your side. _

So close your eyes and sleep to dream.  
I'm by your side.  
No words to speak.  
We'll set our course and make it through.  
No matter how far I go  
No matter how much this hurts  
I wanted you to know,  
My heart remains with you.—

_Good luck to you Brooke, I am so sorry for everything. I really hope you find peace and I'm glad you could come back, even if I can't be here._

_- Peyton_

Walking back down the stairs, Brooke wasn't quite sure what to make of the letter. If she was understanding things right, Peyton was in love with her. Somehow, she was trying to say that but ended up screwing it up when they had their big fight. And Brooke felt partially responsible because, with hindsight being the bitch it is, she too realized that she was in love with Peyton, and that's why she reacted the way she had. This was just one big convoluted mess gone to hell.

Brooke soon realized the only hope they had of ever getting to the bottom of this was to talk it out, no matter how hard that task may be. A years worth of feelings and pain, past mistakes and decisions would need to be brought up. Part of her felt bad seeing Peyton like this – well at least her room so far, but she got a good enough sense already as to her current state – she felt like she had caused it, or at least been part of the problem.

Not wanting to leave for fear that she may never see Peyton again if she did, Brooke decided to stay and wait it out until they could talk. She sat herself down on a chair near the couch, and waited for the blonde to wake up.

After nearly two hours, an extremely groggy Peyton finally woke up. However, due to the amount of cold medicine she had apparently taken, and the cold itself, she was anything but completely coherent. Slowly standing up, swaying a bit, and looking around, she noticed someone staring at her from the chair beside her. Realization dawned on her who the person was and she immediately thought she was hallucinating.

"Brooke! You're back! Are you here to bitch at me like you did yesterday, because I'm really not in the mood for your ghost-hallucination-whatever-the-hell-you-are-ass to be yelling at me again? You keep showing up, and I'm starting to wonder if I've really lost it, so please just go away, this torture is killing me. It's bad enough to know what I've done, but to have you haunting me is just making it all the more painfully obvious. Ow, my head."

This little speech was delivered with the occasional slur and almost drunk-like attitude of one seemingly off-balance Peyton. She steadied herself and then started to make her way upstairs, only to have the fake-Brooke follow her. The sarcasm continued to spew from her mouth, completely believing that she was imagining things, apparently not for the first time.

"So, non-Brooke, why are you following me? What enlightening conversation shall we have today, perhaps the real reasons why you left, the cause being me, your true feelings, or is this going to be another one of those days where you just yell at me and tell me how worthless and fucked up I am? Personally, I prefer when you don't talk at all and just do that weird staring thing, but hey, I guess I don't really have a choice. But the upside is, I bet I'll pass out again once I make it to my room, so then I don't have to listen to you. Isn't that great?"

Brooke just followed silently as Peyton rambled on. She didn't quite know what to say. First off, Peyton was clearly under the influence of some sort and not in her right mind, most likely due to being sick. Second, what the hell do you say to someone who thinks you're a hallucination and has apparently been 'seeing' you for some time? There were just no words at the moment so she just mutely walked behind the other girl into her room as Peyton did proceed to pass out on her bed as predicted.


	4. She'll Never Understand

**-She'll Never Understand-**

Again, waiting patiently until the blonde woke up, Brooke took this time to take in the slew of new information she had just been exposed to. Peyton seemed to be either extremely intoxicated or a little crazy, maybe both. But more so, she was broken. And maybe that attributed to her slightly off mental state, but either way, Brooke wasn't just going to leave. She was going to stick around and face this. She wasn't running away anymore, and she wasn't going to let Peyton do the same, no matter what the actual truth happened to be.

After wondering around the house for a bit, getting something to eat, and again sitting and waiting as Peyton slept, Brooke was thankfully pulled out of her bored reverie to a groaning blonde slowing waking up. Suddenly she wanted Peyton to go back to sleep, fear started to set in as she realized that now she actually had to talk to the girl. This upcoming conversation was by far not going to be easy and she just wanted to avoid it. But that's exactly what she had been doing for the better part of a year, and she vowed she wouldn't do it any longer. That still didn't make it any easier though.

"Ugh, not you again, why don't you go haunt someone else? I've got things to do, people to avoid, stuff to pack. Go on, shoo fake Brooke, evaporate or whatever."

"Peyton, I'm real. It's really me, Brooke. And I'm not going anywhere."

"If you're so real than prove it, I may be sick and loaded but I'm pretty sure I can tell real from imaginary."

Brooke walked the few steps over to the sitting up blonde, gave her a smirk, and pinched her arm, hard.

"OW!"

"Believe me now?"

"Damn it, fine. Shit, if you're really here… oh god, I think I need to puke."

With that last statement she ran off to bathroom and did indeed puke. After about fifteen minutes of being holed up in the bathroom she was further kicked in the ass when she understood what all this meant.

"_Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. This is not good; I was supposed to be gone by the time she finally came back. Damn this stupid cold. I cannot catch a break to save my life. Fuck, what am I going to do, I can't deal with this, this is so what I was trying to avoid. What do I do, what do I do?"_

She was pulled out of her internal panic attack by a knock on the door followed by the voice of the person she had hurt, driven away, and so did not want to face, Brooke. Of course, this was some karmic way at getting back at her for all the hurt she had caused, for all of her mistakes, for everything she had done. She's about to leave town after she sends the letter, so it's only natural that it wouldn't work the way she wanted it to. She got sick, and had to post pone her departure, and who thought Brooke would actually show up so soon, she only sent the letter a little over a week ago. Who reacts that fast, even with all the issues between them? This was so not what she had in mind. But she did have to get out of the bathroom, so she would have to face the brunette; she was already here and had seen her, so there was really no avoiding it now. She would have to face the music.

Slowly opening the door, after a few more agonizing moments, the blonde stepped out of the bathroom, looking around to check and see if it really was Brooke who was in her room. And much to her complete lack of preparedness, there she sat, patiently waiting. This was going to be so much fun.

"So Brooke, how have you been?"

"Nice attempt at polite conversation. You know why I'm here. We need to talk. I think I might actually understand a little of what happened. As warped as it is, I think I know what went wrong. We need to face this Peyton, we can't run away anymore."

"I don't know if I can do this, Brooke."

"We have to Peyton. We've been avoiding this for too long. We can't keep living like this, look at you, you're a mess."

"Yeah, well, nice to see you too."

"I mean it Peyton, we can't keep avoiding this. We are going to talk, why don't you get cleaned up, I'll go make you some soup or something, I'll be right back."

"You don't have to do that."

"It's okay, I want to, clean up, but don't take anymore medicine, okay?"

"Sure."

Despite saying she wouldn't take anymore, Peyton was severely tempted to chug what was left of the cough medicine on her nightstand. But something stopped her. Of all the pain that her life had been this last year, maybe this really was a chance to start to heal. Maybe Brooke was right. She couldn't run forever, sure she could try, but her demons would only catch up with her. Settling on not inebriating her self anymore, she decided to clean up, and attempt to prepare herself for something she had been trying to avoid and forget for the better part of a year – the truth.

Brooke silently watched as Peyton ate a few spoonfuls of soup. They were both tired, already a long day and only early afternoon. But they both knew they needed to face this thing between them. After Peyton decided she could eat no more, still sick, she settled herself back on the bed and turned to look at the brunette who had again taken up residence in her desk chair. How does one go about starting a conversation of life changing proportion and riddled with pain and heartache?

"So…How's New York? I, uh, yeah."

"It's fine, it's not home, but it's been okay for the time being."

"Good, good."

"There's no good way to jump into this so I'm just going to be blunt, why did you write me that letter Peyton, why did we get so screwed up?"

"Well that has got to be the most heavily loaded question ever. Okay, first off, tell me what the important points that you got from whatever Lucas told you, I think it might make this a bit easier to know a little of how much you know, I think."

"Fine, let's see, you were addicted to cocaine for about six months, and then somehow miraculously stopped. You've been a mess, obviously, to varying degrees which I'm not sure of. You're gay, and he also said that you have been like shutting everyone out, shutting down almost completely. I think that's the basics of it."

"Okay. Yeah, I got in pretty deep with the drugs. And yes I haven't been letting anyone in, it's too hard to. But I'm actually kind of surprised that you aren't more like taken aback or whatever by that fact that I'm gay. You're reaction is like you don't even care. Of course I could just be still loaded on cold medicine and not be taking everything in right."

"I admit, when he first said you were gay, I was shocked, but it's not a big deal to me. It actually makes things seem to make a little more sense when I think about it. If I am interpreting that oh so vague letter correctly and then when I think about how I felt and how you reacted and everything, it definitely helps fill in some holes."

"Right, so back to the original question, why did I write that letter? Well…"

"Take all the time you need, I suspect this is going to be very hard for the both of us. So just go at your own pace, I'm not pushing."

"I feel so guilty for causing you to leave. After that day, it was like my world ended, I didn't know why or how I did that, but I knew it was my fault. And like I said, this town really has nothing left for me, so I thought maybe if I could give you your home back, maybe you could start to heal. I don't really know, it's all this big mess, but I wanted you to have your home back, you belong here."

"So you said in the letter, alright, I think maybe we need to start form the very beginning, we need to talk about the fight."

"Well then we better go make some coffee, this is probably going to take a while, and I need caffeine."

Both girls made their way to the kitchen, a safe distance between them, temporarily avoiding the impending conversation. Yes, coffee was a good distraction, but the sugar and caffeine probably would do them some good for what was to come. Plus, then you have something to occupy your hands when your nervous, see bonus usage for such a simple drink.

Several minutes, a few sips of the dark liquid each, and some heavily awkward silence later, Brooke decided to speak again.

"Peyton, it's time, we need to resolve this."

"I never loved Lucas. I know I said I still had feelings for him, and how I could say that still baffles me, but that was never what I meant to say. I had been trying to figure out how to tell you for so long, and then when I was going to, all that shit came out, and I have no idea how or why."

"Then tell me what you really meant to say. Don't think about hurting me anymore, or hurting yourself, I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you, until we talk this out. So start with what you wanted to say Peyton, trust me enough to know that I never wanted to hurt you either."

"You. I was trying to tell you, that I, that I…"

"I know. You were trying to tell me you love me."

"Yeah, wait, how did you know?"

"I kind of figured it all out when I was walking over here. After what little Lucas told me, and then with what you said in both the letters, it kind of made sense. I mean, I wasn't totally sure that was it, but that was one of the conclusions I came to."

"Oh. So yeah, I was trying to tell you I was in love with you, but as you know it didn't exactly come out that way. How could I have fucked everything up so badly?"

"Listen to me Peyton, when I was having my little epiphany or whatever on my way over here, I also realized that part of this mess is my fault. It's not all on you; you need to quit punishing yourself."

"How is it your fault, I'm the one that said I had feelings for your boyfriend, you had every right to react like that."

"No. The reason I reacted so badly was because I thought I was going to lose you. I never was really in love with Lucas. We had just gotten our friendship back on track, and then I thought he was going to take me away from you. I was jealous. I reacted the way I did, Peyton, because I now realize I feel the same way you do. I have for a long time; I just never really let myself admit it. So you see, it's just as much my fault. We both screwed this up and we both just let it get worse. The after stuff was probably more my fault. But I guess this whole thing was a monumental disaster. Who knew we both felt the same."

"This is a lot to take in. So we've established that I was in love with you, you with me, and the fight was a huge misunderstanding and chaos that just couldn't work itself out. And it took us this long to figure it out? Damn we are stupid."

"Yeah, well blame denial or whatever. Now, I think we should keep talking Peyton, about the aftermath with you. And what we feel for each other now. We need to air everything out."

"It's all so hard to understand Brooke; I don't get most of it. I don't know how you do. It's getting late, and I'm exhausted, can we continue this tomorrow?"

"Fine, but I'm staying here tonight, I'm not risking you taking off while I'm gone. Promise me Peyton; promise me you won't run anymore."

"I promise."


	5. The Secret's In The Telling

**_AN: Reviews are nice. Feeding all of the monkey's that help write these stories, well, they like a little appreciation every now and then. Honestly it's a bit hostile when they don't get any comments and i'm left all alone to try and expalin that that doesn't mean people aren't reading, and then trying to calm them down, well, let's just say there are reasons I stay away from banana's and keep a careful eye out for any and all projectiles and/or traps when around. Enjoy._**

**-The Secret's In the Telling-**

Brooke woke up the next morning feeling slightly confused. At first she didn't know where she was, and became slightly panicked. Then she recognized the room, and after wondering what she was doing there, the previous day's events all came back to her.

Peyton had asked Brooke to sleep in her room with her, in the same bed, just like they used to do. She was hesitant, but the other girl seemed like she really wanted her to, needed her to, so she gave in. Despite the tension and uncertainty between them, they decided to put everything aside and pretend like it was just like it had always once been. This proved harder than expected.

"_Peyton, we're never going to be able to get to sleep like this."_

"_Yeah, I know. I just don't know what else to do, I mean you're here, and I feel like my heart is going to either beat out of my chest or wither and die if I let you leave. I can't lose you again Brooke, I just can't. But I don't even know if we can be friends again, there's just so much to talk through, and so much that has happened. I just wanted to leave, and then you showed up, and now I don't know anything."_

"_Okay, listen to me. I'm not going anywhere, I already told you that, and neither are you. I'm going to scoot closer to you, and you to me, and we're going to sleep like we used to. I'm going to hold you, and you're going to let me. I know you need it, so do I, and even though we have everything to sort through, everything to lose or gain, right now, despite that, we have each other. You need to believe that, so come over here, and try and sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up, I promise."_

And somewhat reluctantly and awkwardly they got comfortable, then let everything go finally relaxing with each other. Sleep came eventually, both still on edge with the unknown concerning them, but both seemingly determined not to lose the other again.

When Brooke sat up in bed, taking in the fact that Peyton was no where in sight, she became slightly unnerved yet again. She didn't think she would run, she had made her promise, but she didn't really know, she had hoped. So getting out of bed, Brooke went downstairs to prove herself wrong, to make sure Peyton was still there. Only she was nowhere to be found. Walking back up to the room, sitting back in the chair, she wondered if she had lost her best friend again. Then scaring her out of her thoughts the bathroom door flung open and Peyton stepped out.

"Jesus Peyton! You sacred the shit out of me, I thought you took off."

"A good morning to you too. As much as I really wanted to leave, I didn't, I promised you, so I didn't go. I was just washing up."

"Well now that my heart attack is over, do you want to get breakfast or something, or maybe you want to spend some time alone? I need to get back to my car and get some stuff, figure out a place to stay, for how long, all that sort of stuff."

"Food sounds good. I'll give you a ride to your car after we eat. Then you can decide if you want to stay in a hotel for a while, or if you want to stay here for a while, for as long as you need. I can fix up one of the other rooms or something."

"I think about it while we eat okay?"

"Sure."

A short while later they were ready to go. Deciding they didn't want to run into anyone they know they went a little out of town to eat.

After being seated and giving the waitress at the IHOP their drink orders both girls set about perusing the menu to find something for breakfast.

"What are you getting?"

"I'm thinking maybe just some toast with my coffee."

"Peyton, have you looked in the mirror lately? You're too skinny; you need to eat something more, please?"

"Thanks for the compliment Brooke, you just made my day."

"Lose the sarcasm Blondie; I'm serious, get pancakes or something, as long as it's more than toast okay?"

"Yes _mom_."

The meal continued on through mostly silence, only a few short sentences of no real relevance as they both ate their pancakes and sipped coffee. Though agreeing to eat more that just toast, Peyton wasn't doing a very good job, and Brooke noticed but decided she would bring it up later.

After they left the restaurant, Peyton dropped Brooke at her car and they both made their way back to Peyton's house, knowing what was coming next. Sitting idly across from one another in the living room both avoiding the inevitable, Brooke decided to speak up.

"So how come you don't eat that much? You've lost a lot of weight, you're not sick are you?"

"No, I'm not sick, not really anyway. I guess I lost most of the weight when I was using, and then I don't think I ever really got my appetite back after that. I just didn't care enough I think."

"Can I ask why you started? I mean I think I know, after the fight, I know how I felt, so I can only imagine what you went through."

"I think that was probably the biggest part of it. I was so lost, and in so much pain, and so confused, I just wanted it all to go away."

"I'm so sorry I did that to you."

"It's more my fault than yours. You know what I said and then I couldn't deal with how it all went to hell so damn fast."

"Tell me what you had originally intended to say."

"Are you sure you want to do this now?"

"We're already doing it; please just tell me, we have to do this Peyton. We can't run form this anymore."

"I don't remember exactly what I was going to say, but I'll give you the rundown of it. I meant to say that I love you, that I've been in love with you for a while, and somewhere along the way of our friendship, my feelings changed into something more. You were always important to me, but I needed to tell you that even if you didn't return my feelings. I don't even think I considered things turning out as bad as they did if I told you the truth. But that killed me so much, I have been terrified of it ever since."

"Peyton, like I said earlier, I felt the same way. Though I didn't actually realize it until yesterday, I know that's what I felt. And I told you why I reacted why I did, I felt betrayed and jealous. So I guess the basics of it are that you wanted to say you loved me, I did love you but didn't know it, and we were both so stubborn and screwed up to fix the mess, to try and deal with it, that we both ended up worse off."

"Do you, I mean, how do you feel now, that you know, what now?"

"I have loved you in some way since as long as I can remember, and I always will. But now, despite the time apart and the anger we both have had, with us getting things cleared, I still love you. Peyton, I am in love with you. I don't ever want to leave you again, and I know we still have a lot to say to each other but know that I do love you."

"Oh thank God. I don't think I could have taken you leaving again, even if it was just to stay here and try and be friends. I still love you too Brooke, it never went away, I prayed for it too, it was eating me up, but I never faded."

"Okay, this is good progress. You are in love with me, and I am in love with you. So now what?"

"I don't know."

"Well I think we should just take things as they come, and go incredibly slow. We need to get back on track, get to know each other again. And we need to get you healthy. Why don't we rest for a little while, and then I need you to fill me in on these fake-Brookes and anything else pertaining to your health? I'm not taking any chance of losing you."

"Umm, okay I guess, although that is another thing I am not looking forward to. I'm so tired Brooke, I've been so tired. I missed you so much."

"I know Peyt, I know. Come on, let's get you to lay down."

Brooke let Peyton sleep for nearly two hours before she woke her up from what appeared to be a nightmare. It was now late afternoon, and she had settled into the idea of staying here, maybe for good. As she took care of some menial tasks, then walking back up stairs to check on her friend, she heard barely audible whimpering. Upon entering the room, she took in what seemed to be a struggle of some sorts playing out within the slumbering girls mind.

"Peyton, hey wake up, you're safe. Come on, wake up, it's okay."

Brooke continued to shake the girl until she sat bolt upright in bed struggling to catch her breath.

"Hey, calm down, it was just a dream, I'm right here. Shhh, it's okay. You're safe, it's okay."

She continued to speak softly into Peyton's ear as she rocked her back and forth, rubbing her back as her breathing restored to normal.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Nightmares, had them for a while, I'll be fine. What time is it?"

"Around five, are you sure you're okay you look pretty shaken up?"

"Shit."

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just had some stuff to do today, what with me not actually leaving, but I guess it can wait, it's not anything super important."

"Do you want to try and get some more sleep? Or do you want to just go hang out for a while, or by yourself, whatever?"

"No more sleep for now, I couldn't get back to bed even if I wanted to after that dream. Why don't we just hang downstairs tonight, I'm not up for anything strenuous."

"Deal, I'll make you some food, you missed lunch."

"You don't have to do that, I'm not really hungry."

"I'm making you something and you are going to eat it."

"Fine. I guess we'll be having that talk about my health then too?"

"Yes, we will. Get cleaned up, meet me in the kitchen."

Making her way downstairs as painfully slowly as possible, Peyton eventually entered the kitchen waiting for the firing squad a la Brooke to begin. Upon seeing her sitting at the counter she was slightly relieved that she didn't look like she would be torturing anything out of her, instead she was idly waiting with a bowl of soup in front of her and one in place next to her. Shuffling over to the stool, Peyton quietly sat down and began to sip her meal, despite the fact that she wasn't the slightest bit hungry.

"Is it warm enough?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Aren't we polite?"

"I can be polite, just because I have never been around you doesn't mean I can't be."

"Oh, sarcasm is out in full force today I see?"

"Eat your soup Brooke."

"As you wish Goldilocks."

After Brooke finished her soup she glanced over noticing Peyton had long been done, though her bowl was still slightly full. Accepting defeat not wanting to pressure her to finish off the last of it, she grabbed both bowls and put them in the sick. Making her way back over to her blonde friend, she saw the faraway look she had and wondered what was going on inside that head of hers. After staring for a few minutes she was pulled out of her own trance when she realized Peyton was now starring at her. As a slight hint of red made it's way across her face she decided to move past the sudden blush and awkwardness.

"Let's go sit down and relax, we have some things to talk about."

"Ugh, do we have to?"

"Why are you so stubborn? And yes, we are doing this, no more running remember?"

"Fine, fine, but I'm not the only stubborn one, remember that."

After sitting awkwardly for a moment, then relaxing and letting the silence stretch on, Peyton finally spoke thinking it better to get this mess over with sooner rather than later.

"So what do you want to know, as much as I hate this, I'd rather get it over with. God knows Brooke Davis won't let me get away with ignoring it, so let's just get on with it already."

"Good. I'm glad to see you've finally succumbed to my powers."

"Whatever."

"How long have you been 'seeing' me?"

A long silence stretched out as Peyton struggled for the words to answer the previous question. How do you admit to someone, let alone someone you are head over heals in love with who you haven't seen in a year and didn't think you would ever see again and then just came back into each others lives, that you might be a little crazy? And what if you are crazy, hallucinating may constitute that, but maybe it was just the loneliness and guilt, yeah, much better excuse.

"Right, well, I guess since about a month or so before I quit coke. So that's like less than a year. Do you think I'm crazy?"

"No, sure I'm kind of worried, but after you tell me more, maybe I'll understand better. And even if you were crazy, I wouldn't love you any less."

"That actually doesn't help much, but anyway. So yeah, I think the faux-you was one of the main reasons I got myself clean. There have been plenty of times I have thought I was nuts, but I guess most of the times I saw 'you' I just tried not to think about that whole aspect. It was like you were taunting me, haunting me and yelling at me. Then sometimes you would act like your old self, like we were still friends, and then there were some times when you said some things I'd rather not repeat. But hopefully that will stop now that you're here and we've cleared the air somewhat. Come to think of it, I haven't actually had a fake-Brooke encounter in over a month now, so maybe that's progress."

"How did 'I' get you to quit drugs?"

"Oh, well, you yelled at me a lot about falling that far. Sometimes you told me how worthless I was, and that this was the reason you left. But mostly seeing you scared the hell out of me, when it started happening I didn't know what to think, still don't really know. And then something happened and I couldn't take disappointing you anymore, even if it wasn't really you. And you were supportive the next few times when I was kicking it, but then you were gone again for a while."

"Huh, well, yeah that's odd, but I guess I understand it. When's the last time you went to a doctor Peyton?"

"Probably before the fight, so a good year and some change would be my guess."

"You're so thin, I just don't want to risk anything happening because of that. We need to get you healthy, okay? Will you let me take you to a doctor, just for a check up? You don't have to say anything about seeing stuff or whatever you don't want to, just to make sure that you're fine physically."

"Damn your persistence. I don't even have the energy to attempt to fight you on this, so I'm just going to give in now. But know it's filled with reluctance."

"Thank you. We can go back to bed now, it's late, and you've had a long day. Come on, I'll tuck you in."

Tiredly climbing the stairs, Peyton wasn't sure whether or not Brooke would be staying with her. She didn't know quite how to broach the subject, but her fear of being alone won out so she finally decided to say something.

"Where are you going?"

"What do you mean?"

"You said you would tuck me in, which implies that you weren't going to stay with me."

Brooke understood where she was going with this. She was still very vulnerable and didn't want to be left alone, though she had no intention of ever doing so, not now, not ever.

"Don't worry, I'm not leaving you. I just have to get some stuff out of my car, since I plan on staying here for a while. I just need to grab some stuff and take care of a few calls, then I'll be back okay?"

"Okay, promise you won't be long?"

"Yeah, I'll be quick. Now try and get back to sleep okay? No more nightmares, I'll be right here in a little bit, I promise."

"Wake me when you come up."

"Okay, rest now P. Sawyer, everything's going to be fine."

With that Brooke headed down the stairs to get some stuff from her car, essentially moving a few things in. If she allowed herself to think rationally and truthfully, she knew that she could never leave Peyton again. So she wasn't going to delude herself, unless Peyton told her to go, or they decided at some point they would be better off as friends, Brooke was going to stay here, in Peyton's house, with her, for as long as they were both there. This thought made a small smile creep upon Brooke's mouth. She was moving in with Peyton, she felt a wave of love wash over her, she knew she was meant to be here, this really was where she belonged.


	6. I Am The Doctor

**-I Am The Doctor-**

After making her phone calls, Brooke headed up stairs to bed, it was now close to midnight, she had taken a lot longer than she thought. Before making any official decisions, she came to the conclusion that she should make sure Peyton actually wanted her to stay before she resolved to make this permanent or as close to it as she could come for the time being. For now at least, she had secured sufficient enough time off from work, and had taken care of anything else that may have been problematic back in New York. All she wanted to do for the near foreseeable future was to make sure her Peyton was okay, and to get their relationship, wherever that was to go, back on track. With the money she had received after graduating and her hefty trust fund, she didn't need to really worry about getting back to work anytime soon. And being summer now, school wasn't an issue either. So she was free to do as she wanted, and she was right where she needed to be.

Making her way over to the bed, she sat down and gently nudged Peyton awake. Not really wanting to awaken the slumbering figure, she only did this lightly, but remembered that she had wanted to be woken up, so she continued on with slightly more force.

"Brooke? What time is it?"

"It's almost midnight, I'm sorry I took so long. Go back to sleep, I'm just going to get changed and then I'll be right here with you."

"Okay, hurry up, I miss you."

Resting down in the bed, she heard the steady breathing coming from the form next to her. Gently sliding over closer to her, she wrapped one arm around the blonde's midsection pulling her closer and she snuggled into her body. She felt the girl stir slightly, and then melt into the embrace, followed with some unintelligible mumbling and then some actual words.

"Don't leave me. I love you."

"I'm right here P. Sawyer. I'm not going anywhere, go to sleep baby, I love you and I'm right here."

The both drifted off into semi-peaceful dreamland. Brooke was somewhat plagued by a few uncertainties and what-ifs, but soon brushed them away to sleep soundly. Peyton was running from her inner demons, and trying to escape her pain, before finally finding solace when she woke up in the middle of the night and realized she was being held. Her protector was there, someone who loved her, and she hoped wouldn't leave her again, she slipped into a sound sleep wrapped up in her lover's arms.

After they had woken up and gone through their morning routines, the girls were now in Peyton's car heading off to run some errands.

"So where are we headed Blondie?"

"Well, B. Davis, I need to stop at the bank, the post office, pretty much undo the stuff I did when I thought I was leaving for good. I should probably stop by Tric too, but I don't know if I want to go back to work right now, my heart just hasn't been in it for a while. So I guess we just need to take care of the small stuff since I still live here."

"Okay, so you want to stop and eat after, or just grab some coffee, anything?"

"Since I doubt you'd stop nagging me about it, we might as well. The only question is whether or not we want to run the risk of seeing people we know, which could also happen with the errands. But I mean, do you want people to know you're back, and staying with me, and that we're whatever it is we are, you know, are you ready for questions?"

"Honestly, I could care less. I'm here, with you, and we're getting back on track, and then some. So I'm happy with however much you're okay with. However you want to deal with people today, I will completely back you P. Sawyer."

"Right, okay. Well we might as well go to Karen's to eat. I should probably let her know I'm staying, but not ready to man Tric again. And then we can just say that you're back and staying with me for a while and leave it at that for now I guess."

"That's fine with me Peyton. Don't worry, we'll be okay, I promised you I wouldn't leave, and I promise I won't let anything bad happen to you, okay?"

"Okay."

"By the way, you have a doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon. No trying to worm your way out of it, we're going."

"Fine, I know you mean well Brooke, and really I love you for it, but you can be so annoying sometimes."

"I know, but it only makes you love me more."

"You got me there."

The rest of the drive to take care of the few tasks of the day was mostly in silence. Occasional glances were stolen at each other, as well as some quality hand holding. They seemed to be getting quite comfortable 'being' with each other, and loving every second of it.

The door to Karen's Café chimed when it opened and the two girls entered. Not many people were there and almost as soon as the bell rang, out came Karen from the kitchen to greet her new customers.

"Welcome to…Peyton? Brooke! It's so good to see you!"

"Hey Karen, it's been a long time."

Peyton stood aside semi-awkwardly as Brooke and Karen exchanged a hug and small pleasantries. Wanting to dismiss the fact that Peyton and Brooke came in together and just act normal was outweighed by her curiosity and Karen just had to ask. She knew about the fight, she knew some of the history if not from Lucas than from his friends. She was just so happy that they were in the same company that she let herself ask the question despite any second guessing she may have had.

"So, I see you and Peyton came in together. I take it your back on at least speaking terms?"

"Yeah, something like that. It's a really long story and I promise to tell you sometime after we get it all sorted out."

"You better, Peyton how are you? I thought you would have been gone by now."

"Change of plans. I'm not going anywhere."

"That's good; I didn't want to see you go. So Brooke how long are you here for?"

"Actually I think I might be back for good. Right now I'm just playing it by ear, but there's not really anything pulling me back to New York, plus my life is here. For now I'm staying with Peyton, and then I'll see what happens."

As Brooke said this she flashed a smile at Peyton, as she did this the blonde couldn't help but recall the conversation she had had with the brunette not too long ago as they were on their way to the café after finishing with their errands.

"_Peyton I have to ask you something. I don't want to push anything, but this has been bugging me since last night and we would have to talk about it sooner or later and really the sooner is the better."_

"_Brooke, take a breath, you're rambling. Now, what is the question?"_

"_Do you want me to stay?"_

"_Of course I do, you know that."  
_

"_Yes, I mean, no. What I meant is do you want me to stay, like, for good? Do you want me to be looking for a place of my own, or do you want me to stay with you, and for how long? Like I said I don't want to push, I just kind of need to know, you know?"_

"_Look at me. This is hard for me to say, so if it doesn't come out exactly right I'm sorry. Yes, I want you stay. Preferably I want you stay with me, in my house, forever. But I know that may not be what you want, so I won't beg you to and have you stay out of pity or whatever. I know we don't exactly know where we stand, but I know how I feel, and I kind of know how you feel. I don't want to lose you again. So, if you'll accept, I want you to move in with me. And not just into the guest room kind of move in. I want you to stay, permanently, with me, and like have a relationship or whatever. You know what I mean? So stay here with me, but I won't force you to."_

"_Now who's rambling?"_

_Peyton shot Brooke an exasperated glare. She had put her feelings on the line, she was still so confused, and Brooke playing around at that moment wasn't exactly assuaging her fears._

"_Peyt, I would love to move in with you. You have no idea how happy that makes me. I just wasn't sure and then last night when I was making arrangements I didn't know if I should jump to the conclusion that that's what you wanted. So yes, I'll stay. Forever or how ever long we decide to stay here. Oh! I'm so excited to be moving back. We are going to have so much fun. You and me P. Sawyer, we're back. I love you."_

_Peyton blushed, bowed her head and then looked back up at Brooke._

"_I love you too Brooke, so much."_

"That's great Brooke. We've all missed you. And I'm glad you were able to drag this one out with you, I haven't seen you in a while Peyton. Are you going to be coming back to Tric?"

"If it's okay with you, I think I should probably take some time off. I wasn't doing a very good job lately and I don't think I would be of any use to you for at least a little while. I'm sorry."

"It's okay sweetie. No problem. You just find me when you're ready to come back and we'll get it set up."

"So Karen, what's on the menu today, I'm starving?"

The girls got their food and ate at the counter while chatting with Karen. Actually Brooke was doing most of the talking with Karen, as per usual. Peyton sat there half listening, half in her own world as she pushed the food around on her plate.

"…Peyton? Hey are you okay?"

"Hmm, sorry, what was the question?"

"I said are you feeling okay. You've hardly eaten a thing and you look a little frail. Do you feel okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just not very hungry. But really I'm okay. And just to calm any worries Brooke is making me go to the doctor tomorrow to get a check up, so all will be fine and dandy in Pleasantville once again."

"Okay…"

Peyton returned her attention back to her mindless task as Karen went back to focus on Brooke.

"…Is she okay?"

"That's what I'm hoping. You see how skinny she is, and she barely eats. I'm worried about her you know, when I came back the other day, she was sick, and so out of it. It's not that I'm making her go to the doctor, well yes I am, but I really need to know that she is okay. She doesn't look well, and I don't want to lose her again."

"You're a good friend Brooke. I noticed she had lost some weight, but none of us saw her too often so there wasn't really anything we could do if we had any suspicions. It's good you're back, she needs you."

"I know. I think we'll head out now, I'll see you later, soon, I promise."

"Take care Brooke, and have a good day."

"Thanks, we will. Hey Peyton, PEYTON!?"

"Yeah, what, sorry."

"Come on, we can go now, let's get back home."

"Okay, sounds good."

Karen looked on in worry as the girls left the café. In the entire hour that they were there, Peyton had barely spoken and seemed to be in a trance. She also realized that with this one encounter she had seen more of the girl than she had in the past month. She worried for her, she was glad Brooke was back and seemed to be staying for good, and worried for her too, seeing how worried she was for her friend. It was just a big worry-fest all around. But she was glad about the appointment tomorrow. She knew there was no way anyone else would have gotten Peyton to see a doctor; she really needed Brooke in her life. They needed each other. She just wondered if they had finally figured out their true feelings for one another yet. Karen wasn't as naïve as she may have appeared to be, she knew there was something more between the two, she just didn't know if they knew it yet or not. But she was happy none the less that they were at least friends again, they had both been through so much, she really hoped they found their way to each other and happiness.

As if preparing to face a firing squad, or a funeral, Peyton got dressed painfully slow and in such a manner that just oozed her uneasiness to go see a doctor. If she was being truthful with herself, she knew there might be something going on with her body. She wasn't stupid, she knew she had gotten thin, she knew she didn't have an appetite; she just didn't want to believe or deal with any more issues. So despite not really wanting to go, she got ready, not for herself, but for Brooke. She would do anything short of murder for her, hell if the situation warranted it she just might go that far, but away with the morbid thoughts. Peyton had to go meet her fate right now.

"Are you ready yet? Come on, it's not that bad, it's just a doctor's appointment."

"I'm ready, we can go."

Brooke could tell by the exasperated tone that this wasn't going to be a fun day. They both knew that there very well could be something wrong, neither wanted to admit it though.

"Peyton, just so you know, no matter what, I will never leave you, okay?"

"Okay."

"I mean it, I just want you to get healthy, so that's why I pushed so hard for this, and if you are sick, I will be there every step of the way, forever."

"Thank you Brooke, that means a lot to me."

Half an hour later, they were waiting in the doctor's office, sitting patiently for this Dr. Bell to arrive.

"I found what I assume to be your regular doctor's number, but when I made the appointment, the receptionist said he was on vacation, so you'll be seeing his filler. Ever met the replacement?"

"Guess not, plus it's been a while, so I doubt it really even matters who I see, as long as they are a doctor, you'd be happy."

"Well aren't we excited? Honestly Peyton, everything will be fine. This won't be that bad."

Before she could figure out if Peyton was going to respond or not, there was a light knock followed by the opening of the door. In walked a tall blonde, young looking woman wearing a white coat. This was presumably the replacement doctor.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Bell; I'll be filling in for your regular doctor. Now which one of you is Ms. Sawyer?"

Peyton shot Brooke a look as if to say 'Well isn't she perky, and so like you' before she spoke up.

"That'd be me, I'm Peyton."

"It's nice to meet you Peyton, and you are?"

Dr. Bell turned and looked at Brooke, greeting her politely as well.

"That's Brooke; she's the one who forced me here today."

"Well it's nice to meet you Brooke; will you be staying during the exam?"

"You want me to stay Peyt?"

She received a small nod in response.

"Alright then, now let me take a quick look at your chart…"

Peyton was sitting on the exam table while Brooke was close by in a chair. The brunette glanced up at the blonde as the doctor was perusing the folder, reached out and gave a quick reassuring squeeze to her hand. Peyton gave a small, forced smile in response that did not go unnoticed by the other girl.

"I see you haven't been in here in almost a year and a half, and I don't mean to be rude but you have lost quite a bit of weight. Compared to your last weigh in and the one today, I would be lying if I said I wasn't concerned. It's a good thing this one here got you in here."

Brooke gave the doctor a small smile and nod of the head in response that told her she too was worried about her friend. Peyton remained silent, starring at the floor.

"I have all your medical history from before, and there was nothing too significant, just the regular stuff. Can you tell me a bit about what you might think has been going on, any thing could be relevant. I need to gather information so I can figure out if I might want to order any additional tests other than the basics I am already planning."

"Well, um… I haven't really been hungry, for a while. So I guess I don't eat much. I wouldn't even be here unless Brooke came back and got so worried. She's been like forcing me to eat, even though I don't have the stomach for it. So yeah, that good?"

"It's a start, is that all, nothing else happened over the past year and a half that might have put your health in jeopardy?"

Brooke liked this doctor, not only was she extremely friendly and easy to talk to, but she actually paid attention. This was just what Peyton needed, she was glad Dr. Bell wasn't like most doctors. When Peyton failed to answer the doctor, still staring at the ground, Brooke decided to speak up.

"Peyton, you need to tell her."

No response, just a slight tensing up from the blonde on the exam table.

"Would it be okay if I told her then? Just about the important stuff?"

She added that last bit while looking Peyton in the eye letting her know she wouldn't talk about the 'crazy' aspect if she didn't want her too. Peyton just sighed and nodded her defeat, thankful that she didn't have to explain anything.

"Okay. Well doc, Peyton here has had kind of a rough year. We had this huge falling out and I think that put a lot of stress on her. Then, unfortunately, she got in pretty deep with drugs. From what she told me she was addicted to cocaine for about six months, and then got herself clean. She said during that time is when she had lost her appetite and it never really came back since. I had moved away, so I didn't know any of this was going on, and I wish I had known. Anyway, I came back this last week, we patched things up, and I noticed how bad she looked, I'm worried about her, and she's been so tired, so that's why we're here."

"Okay, good to know, really it's important. I'm sorry it may be a tough subject Peyton, but I really did need to know. Now, it sounds like you've been through a lot, we can get to the tests now and then you can go."

"Thanks."

"Not a problem, you're lucky to have Brooke, just let me go get some stuff and I'll be right back to finish up in here."

Dr. Bell left the girls alone and Brooke stood up and came right up next to Peyton's side, grasping her hands between her own.

"See, that wasn't so bad. It'll be okay Peyton; you have nothing to be ashamed about. What has happened this past year happened because you were hurting. We'll get through this."

"Thank you Brooke, for talking, I don't know if I could have told that story, I wouldn't know where to begin, or what to say. And I'm sorry I've been so difficult, I guess I'm okay with you bringing me here. And it's good my regular doc wasn't here, because I definitely wouldn't have been comfortable with him."

"Not a problem Goldilocks, I'm always going to be here for you."

The girls hugged, and Brooke still stood by Peyton's side as Dr. Bell came back into the room.

"Back, now I'm just going to perform a basic physical on you, then draw some blood for some tests, okay?"

"Okay, let's get on with it then."

After about fifteen more minutes the doctor was finished and about ready to let the girls leave.

"Alright Peyton we're all done for now. You did great. After I get the test results back I'll give you a call and we'll go from there. Physically as far as I can tell there is nothing wrong with you, other than being underweight. Hopefully we'll know more in a few days. Brooke, make sure she eats at least a little something with each meal. She may not be hungry, but she does need to eat. I'll be in touch within the next few days, take care girls."

"Thank you Dr. Bell, we will. Come on Blondie, let's go home."

"Finally."

As they were leaving the office building, Peyton linked her arm with Brooke's and snuggled into her walking to the car. She didn't need to say anything; Brooke knew she was thankful she was with her. Peyton may not admit how scared she had been, but she didn't really need to, the other girl could read her so well, despite their time apart. Brooke just smiled to herself as they reached the car and headed off back to the house.

**_AN: Honestly, I'm not really feeling this story, but I'm doing everything I can to try and finish it up. So for those of you who are reading it, there will be and end, I just hope it doesn't disappoint too much. Reviews are welcome, have a nice day._**


	7. Something That Produces Results

**_AN: Thank you to all who reviewed, I hope you like teh chapters to come..._**

**-Something That Produces Results-**

After getting back from the appointment, Peyton felt exhausted, both emotionally and physically. She just wanted to sleep and let all her worries go away for the time being. It wasn't even evening yet but she wanted to crash like the dead and showed it.

"Brooke I think I'm just going to go sleep for a while, I'm so tired, I just need some rest."

"Okay, why don't you go to bed, I have a few things to do, will you be okay without me for a few hours?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine, wake me when you get back."

"Alright. Peyton, I love you."

She leaned over and gave the blonde a soft kiss on the lips. As she pulled back she smiled at her and looked away sheepishly. Peyton brought her hand under her chin and pulled her back to see her eyes.

"I love you too. Go ahead and do what you need to, I'll be fine."

Making a few more phone calls to New York, and picking up a few things from the store, Brooke was now headed towards Karen's. She now knew that she would be staying here for good. Sure, she would have to go back to New York to get all her stuff, and of course to officially quit her job and take care of whatever other little things she had to, but she was back in Tree Hill, her home, for good now. Knowing that Peyton was most likely still sleeping, having only been gone for an hour, she decided on some coffee and conversation with someone who had always been there for her, for all of her friends, Karen, the mother she never had.

Upon entering the café and hearing the all too familiar chime, Brooke headed straight for the counter and waited for Karen to come out of the back like always. It wasn't quite time for the dinner rush, so not too many people were there, so she didn't think she would run into anyone else. Just then her thoughts were thrown off as the person who came out from the back betrayed her earlier thinking.

"BROOKE! Oh my God, I heard you were here, how are you, it's great to see you!"

"Hey Haley, it's good to see you too."

"So tell me everything. Are you back for good, how was New York, have you seen anyone else, where are you staying?"

"Slow down tutor-wife. I've only seen Lucas, Peyton and Karen so far, I've been kind of busy. And yes, I think it's safe to say I'm back for good. Look, I hate to do this to you Hales, but I kind of came here to talk to Karen, is she around? I promise we will all hang out soon, I just have to get settled and take care of some things first."

"I totally understand, I'm just so glad you're back. Karen had to go on a delivery; she'll be back in a few minutes. Wait, you've seen Peyton?"

"Yeah, she's the reason I came back. Look, I promise I'll explain everything later, it's this whole big story and I don't want to get into it right now. But I'll give you a short rundown. Peyton sent me this letter, I came back, we figured everything out, I'm back for good. Peyton's not doing too great, I think she might be sick, but anyway, you'll hear the full story later. There's Karen, it's great to see you tutor-wife. We'll talk again soon, I promise."

"I'm holding you to that Brooke. I'll see you later, tell Peyton I said 'hey' when you see her, we've all been worried about her, which I guess you know, so yeah, we'll talk later."

Haley went back to whatever she was doing before in the kitchen and Karen came over when she saw Brooke.

"Hey Karen, you have time to talk?"

"Of course Brooke, for you I'd make time."

"Great."

"Why don't we go for a walk, I'll just tell Haley I'm leaving for a bit and then we can go okay?"

"Sure, I'll wait outside for you."

They two had been walking for nearly five minuets before either of them spoke. Sensing Brooke was unsure what to say exactly, Karen took the initiative and let her instincts take the wheel as she finally broke the silence.

"I take it you and Peyton have finally realized how you feel about each other?"

Brooke stopped abruptly in her tracks, a look of shock on her face as she just starred at Karen. This in turn caused the older woman to burst out laughing.

"Relax Brooke; I don't think anyone else picked up on it. I've known for a while now, the way you two always looked at each other, the stolen glances and little smiles. At first I wasn't sure, but I've been around long enough to learn how to read people, maybe it's a mom thing, but really, I'm happy for you two."

"How did, how, wow."

"So is that a yes?"

"What? Oh, yeah, I mean yes, Peyton and I told each other how we feel. So I guess we're like a couple now, I don't know, it's a little in limbo right now I guess. We have so much to talk about and get through, but basically, yeah, we're together and good. I love her so much Karen, but right now I'm just too worried about her to push anything."

"I understand. So how did it go at the doctor's?"

"Okay I guess, I like this new doctor of hers, she's really great. If her regular guy was there, I don't think it would have gone anywhere near as well as it did. We don't know anything yet though, they drew some blood and we're waiting for the test results. It could be a few days. She, Dr. Bell, said that physically, at least on the surface, Peyton was fine, pretty underweight, but okay nonetheless. So I guess we just have to wait and see."

"Well I guess that's all you can do. And you know I'm always here to talk to. So where is she by the way, I would think you two would be joined at the hip."

"She was tired after we left the office, so she's back home resting, she'll probably be asleep for a few more hours. I was going to stay with her, but she said it was okay. I had to make a few calls anyway. Now I just need to figure out a good time to head back to New York."

"I thought you were staying here?"

"Oh, I am, I'm moving back for good. Just at some point I am going to have to go get all my stuff, officially quit my job, take care of my apartment, all that stuff. And I kind of have to do it soon, I just don't think anytime would be a good time."

"I see, well, I would think the paperwork of it all could be done via fax. I bet you could take care of most everything from here except the actually moving part, which I think I have a solution to."

"If it means I don't have to leave Peyton I'm all ears."

"Why don't I see if the boys would like to take a little road trip? They could go to your place and pack everything up and bring it back here, and take care of anything else they can for you while they are there. I'm sure they'd be glad to do it."

"Really? Karen that would be great, I knew there was a reason I loved you so much. You always know how to fix things, you're a life saver."

"I try. And it's really not a problem. I think it would be best for all concerned if you stayed here, especially for Peyton right now. I'll talk to Lucas later and see if he and Nathan want to go on a road trip, maybe take Haley too, that girl could use a vacation."

"Thank you Karen, this means a lot to me. You have no idea how much I've missed this, and you, everyone, I'm just glad I'm back and everything's going to be okay."

"We've all missed you too Brooke. And even though she has been here this entire time, we've missed Peyton too, she hasn't been around much. So let us do this for you, and you take care of everything from this end okay?"

"Deal. Tell the boys I said 'hi.' I talked to Luke the other day, but haven't been able to since, I promised him we would all get together soon, I don't know when that will be though. I guess when they get back would be best. We'll figure it out later. Tell whoever's going to stop by Peyton's before they leave so I can give them my keys and stuff. Thanks again Karen, I have to go, but we will definitely talk later."

"I'll set it up, take care Brooke, see you soon."

They both hugged and then parted ways. Karen back to the café to set up this impromptu road trip, and Brooke back to check on Peyton. Though she wasn't much for religion, she sent up a silent prayer that her girl would be okay. She had just gotten her back; she couldn't bear to lose her now.

Another day had passed without event. No word yet on the test results, nothing significant happening to worry about. Brooke got Peyton to eat at least a little with each meal like Dr. Bell had ordered, and though she didn't look as pale, Peyton was still tired. But overall, she seemed slightly better. Though she was still worried, Brooke for her part did feel a little weight lifted knowing that they were at least on their way to knowing.

Karen had called later in the evening a day after Brooke had spoken to her. Lucas, Nathan, and Haley were all more than happy to take care of things in New York for Brooke. They were looking forward to the mini vacation road trip. She said they would be stopping by sometime the next day to see Brooke and get whatever they needed before they left. For now at least, all seemed to be going smoothly and she couldn't have been any happier. Her life was finally coming together and she was with the person she loved, who loved her. Yes, life was good.

The next morning, as the girls were cleaning up from breakfast, they heard a knock on the door followed by it opening.

"Peyton, Brooke? It's Nathan."

He called through the house loud enough for the neighbors to hear him.

"We're in the kitchen Nate, be right out."

Brooke finished putting stuff away and turned to Peyton.

"Do you want to come see the guys?"

"No, I think I'm going to go back to bed for a little while, I'll be down later, I promise."

"Okay, but I don't like you sleeping all day, I will get you out of this house today if it's the last thing I do."

"Sure, later."

Peyton gave Brooke a tentative kiss on the cheek, they were still knew to the whole 'girlfriends' thing and despite their feelings, they were still apprehensive. But they both knew how the other felt, and were content to take it slow and get to know each other again. Peyton headed up stairs giving their guests a quick nod hello before disappearing as Brooke came into view form the kitchen.

"Nathan! It's good to see you. Hey Lucas, Haley, come on in I just have to go get some stuff together for you."

"I'm glad you're back Brooke. Haley wouldn't quit talking my ear off after she came home from work the other day. We should catch up a little before we go, there's no rush."

"Yeah, I'll be right back."

The three settled into the living room as Brooke came back into the room just as quickly as she left.

"So…how you been? Are you, um, back for good?"

"I've been okay, and yes Nathan, I'm back for good. But you already know that hence the trip to New York."

"Don't mind him, he can be so dense sometimes. So now that you're back, where are you staying, here?"

"Well tutor-wife, I'm actually staying here, for good I guess, or how ever long Peyton and I decide to stay, but Tee Hill is where we belong so I think it's safe to say we'll be here for good."

"What do you mean?"

"Brooke, they don't know, you know, about Peyton."

Lucas emphasized the last part for Brooke to get his point across. It took her a moment, but she caught on, and also realized they didn't know about her either, or whatever she and Peyton were to each other.

"Oh, well right. Okay, so…here are the keys to my place, there's directions and anything you might need in this envelope. I also need you to drop a few things off for me while up there, but it's all in here and explained. Thank you so much for doing this for me."

"No problem Brooke, I guess we'll be on our way then, right Nathan, Hales?"

"Uh sure I guess. We should be back in a few days with all of your stuff, we're going to take our time, see the sights a little, so don't expect us back too soon. I want to take Haley on one of those horse ride things, and Luke has some museum or something he wanted to see."

"That's good, enjoy the city, there's no rush. We'll all get together when you get back, hopefully Peyton will be feeling a little better by then."

"We should definitely hang out, how is she by the way?"

"Since I assume you're not blind you can tell she looks kind of sick. I took her to the doctors the other day; we're still waiting for the results. And she's been so tired, but I think she'll be okay."

"That's good, I hope so too. Well boys, let's hit the road."

"It's great seeing you all again. Keep these two out of trouble Hales, I might actually want some of the stuff from my apartment back in one piece. Feel free to use anything you need and have a great time."

The each gave Brooke a hug as they left. Haley was the last one out the door and stopped for a second to chat.

"How are you Brooke, you look a little tired?"

"Haley, you worry too much, I'm fine. Just taking care of everything from here has been a little stressful, and then with Peyton, but I promise, I'm good."

Haley gave her one last hug and as she pulled away she told Brooke she was happy she and Peyton were finally together. She flashed her a smile and wink and then she was out the door. Brooke had to shake her head at that, tutor-wife always was smart. She was glad that someone else knew, and that she was okay with it. Realizing how much she missed her friends, she started to get a little emotional, and made her way up to see her Peyton.

Waking up from the nap her and Peyton had shared after their friends left, Brooke noticed it was well into the afternoon and decided to wake up her sleeping girlfriend.

"Peyton baby, wake up, come on, rise and shine."

Some unintelligible mumbling was the response she got followed by one eye slowly opening to scope out her surroundings.

"That's it sleepy head, wakey wakey."

"Ugh, too damn perky Brooke, not right when I wake up."

"Come on P. Sawyer more than half the day's already gone. Let's go out for a late lunch slash dinner, then I'll only force you to eat once more today, what do you say?"

"Fine, fine, just let me wake up a bit. Go pick out a place, I'll be down in a minute."

"Hurry up, I'm starving."

"Cool your jets B. Davis or I'll just take longer."

As Brooke arrived down stairs, in search of finding a decent place to go eat, she noticed the blinking light on the answering machine. Upon pressing play her nerves suddenly shot to attention and recognition poured through her as the voice spoke.

"…This is Dr. Bell; we got your preliminary results back. I would prefer to discuss them in person so I have set up for you to come in tomorrow morning at nine. I'll see you both then, have a good evening."

Suddenly she felt the need to sit down, so she did. Why was the message so vague? Was it serious? Maybe she just didn't discuss those kinds of things over the phone. But if everything was fine she would have said so right? Her heart sank with worry. She didn't want anything to happen to Peyton, she just wanted her to be fine, she had been through too much in her life already. No, she told herself, she would be fine. Peyton is 19 years old; of course she'll be fine. But then why do I have this sinking feeling? Brooke took a few more minutes to sort through her thoughts and was snapped out of her daze when Peyton appeared ready to go in front of her.

"What's wrong?"

"There was a message; Dr. Bell wants to see you tomorrow morning."

Peyton listened to the message as Brooke still sat in her chair. She seemed to be taking the 'news' lighter than the brunette.

"Okay, don't jump to any conclusions, it's probably nothing. And she clearly said she would be seeing us both, so that means you're coming. We'll be there for each other okay? Now let's eat."

It was odd, the way she acted, but also strangely soothing to Brooke. She was thankful for that. Even though she knew there was so much more going on inside the other girls head, the way she brushed it off made her feel stronger. She would need to be strong too, even though they were both a little worried, she knew she could be there for Peyton, no matter what.

The rest of the evening had gone by semi-smoothly, avoiding any discussion of the possible test results. After actually eating something more than what she had been, Peyton decided that she wanted to see a movie. So as the evening progressed, a movie was seen, jokes mocking said movie had been made, and they returned to the house at a somewhat respectable hour for girls their age, midnight.

Sleep had come surprisingly easily for the two, and by the time morning came, they were both noticeably more nervous about the impending appointment. Getting dressed and ready, they both wandered aimlessly around the house a bit before they had to leave.

"You ready?"

"Yeah, just uh, yeah."

"Come on Blondie, I'll be right there with you."

"I know, that's the only thing keeping me as together as I am."

The drive to the doctor's was much like the one a few days before, quiet. Neither knew what to say, so they just sat in content silence as the approached the office building. They stayed in the car for a few minutes before resigning themselves to get a move on.

"So what does that mean exactly?"

"Well, honestly we still need to do more tests, Peyton. You're blood work was fine for the most part, but there were a few possible concerns."

"Wait, so, what are we talking about here?"

"It could be a number of things Brooke; right now we don't know much. It could just be a simple stomach virus that has gone relatively unnoticed, it could be worse. I think it's best to not dwell into it too much and keep things in perspective."

"Okay, I guess I'll just try and stay positive, I mean how bad could it be right?"

"I'm going to send you to another wing of the building for some more tests, and then once we get the results we'll know more."

Peyton just nodded her head, seemingly taking the news in stride. Dr. Bell stepped out of the room to get the orders and papers they would need, Brooke however was not satisfied with the vagueness of the answer and not wanting to push it in front of Peyton, she decided to ask the doctor privately.

"I'll be right back Peyt, I just need to use the restroom."

She highly doubted she actually bought her explanation, but Peyton nodded all the same as Brooke stepped out of the room. Looking around quickly for the doctor, she spotted her and made her way over to talk with the woman.

"Excuse me, Dr. Bell?"

"Yes, Brooke, what can I do for you, I assume you have more questions?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to ask in front of Peyton, she can be so passive sometimes and I didn't want to upset her. But I need to know, with the preliminary results you do have or whatever, what is like the worst case scenario? How bad could this really be?"

"I'll be honest with you. Probably the worst case would be she has leukemia, though I highly doubt she's that sick. Like I said, it could be a virus, but it is more likely that something else is going on. She's not too sick, but with the weight loss and other factors of her life over the past year, there are concerns for her health in the immediate future. But I promise you, we will find out what is wrong and we will do our best to fix it okay? You just need to be there for her, that's really the best thing for her right now."

"Okay, I'm sorry if I'm bugging you. I just can't lose her, not now, not after everything we've been through, not after we just found each other. We're all each other have, she's lost two moms, and her dad is never home, he actually signed the house over to her after she graduated. I just don't want her to go through anymore pain in her life, there's already been too much."

"I understand. Just try and have faith that she will be okay. We will all be doing our best to get her better and I know you will too. And I know you're good for her, she doesn't look nearly as pale as she did the other day. So just try and stay strong until we know more okay?"

"Thank you Dr. Bell, for being straight with me, for everything."


	8. The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

**-The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows-**

The additional tests had consisted of more blood work, some scans, and some other things Brooke had no idea what they were for. She was becoming slightly more worried with they way Peyton was reacting to all of this. It was like she wasn't affected in the slightest. She barely said two words about it and seemed to be off in her own little world since the few hours they had been home. Despite wanting to know what was on her mind, Brooke knew that Peyton was dealing in her own way, and pushing wasn't going to help her right now. She would just have to be strong for her, be patient that she would come to her in her own time. Though this was especially difficult, Brooke Davis was not a particularly patient person.

The rest of the day progressed as if nothing was looming over them, they both knew it, but neither talked about it. Peyton didn't want to and Brooke didn't know how. All either of them could do was be there for the other and continue on with their day as best they could. So with no jobs to go to, nowhere to be, they decided to just lounge about and watch bad daytime TV. It's just too easy to make fun of and just what they needed to lighten the mood. They soon fell asleep after they had some dinner and settled in for some movies, drifting off peacefully despite all that loomed over them.

As Peyton slightly stirred, tried to fall back asleep to no avail, and reached around the bed for Brooke, she finally woke up completely. Slowly opening her eyes and resting herself on her elbows she looked around her room for the brunette and found her sitting directly in front of her, small grin placed on her face as she just stared lovingly back at the wakening blonde.

"Good morning babe."

"Morning, what's with the smile?"

"Well, I realized something when I woke up."

"Yeah, what's that?" 

"It's all going to be okay." 

"And how do you know that?"

"I woke up about an hour ago, and you were snuggled up really close to me, and I was cradling you in my arm. When I opened my eyes some more, I noticed your hand was on my boob."

This got the desired blush Brooke had been going for. The blonde only smiled sheepishly and nodded for Brooke to continue on.

"So there I am, holding a beautiful you in my arms, and you've got your hand on my breast. And I just knew, that everything would be okay."

"How did you get to that conclusion, you don't know that."

"I do. You were sleeping so peacefully, like nothing in this world could touch you, and I just wanted to hold you forever. So with all of my warm fuzzy thoughts, and you groping me, it just dawned on me. You are going to be okay. There is no way anything is going to happen to you."

"You got all that out of me copping a feel in my sleep?"

"Yes, you were holding on to me so possessively and it made my heart swell, and I knew, I just knew."

"I believe you, and I really hope you're right. Now why don't you come back to bed so I can grope you while I'm actually awake?"

"As you wish Blondie."

Brooke crawled back over to Peyton, both feeling more at ease with each other than they had in the past few days. The continued to fool around the rest of the morning, making out and getting to know each others bodies a bit before they finally dragged themselves out of bed. They were the most content either had been in a long time. With Brooke's new found optimism, Peyton too tried to wish for the best. But seriously, who has an epiphany from a hand on their boob? Only Brooke Davis could manage that.

Newfound giddiness and flirting occupied the next few days. The girls took it easy, not really having anything of importance to do, so they just hung out together, and continued their mutual acquaintance of each others bodies. The others were still in New York, taking their time, wandering around the city some, and other than Karen, there was really no one else they felt the need to see. And so it was three days later, after a pretty heavy make out session, that they received the phone call they had been trying to ignore.

"Hello?"

"Is this Peyton Sawyer?"

"No, I'll go get her for you, may I ask who is calling?" 

"This is Dr. Bell, I assume I'm talking to Brooke?"

"Yes." 

"We have gotten Peyton's test results back. I would like to schedule an appointment for her to come in to see me so we can discuss them. When is a good time for the two of you?"

"Um…we, we don't really have anything planned for anytime soon, so I guess whenever is good for you is good for us. Is it, is it bad?"

"I can't really discuss it over the phone with you Brooke, but I will say that it's not the worst case scenario and we're going to get her better okay? She's going to be just fine."

"O-Okay."

"I'll see you both tomorrow at 10:00 am okay?"

"Sure, we'll be there."

"You'll both be fine Brooke, I'll see you tomorrow, have a good evening."

Despite hearing the vague explanation that Peyton was going to be fine, Brooke was still very worried. But she still had to believe everything would be okay, if not for herself, than for Peyton. Dr. Bell didn't go into any detail, but she did say she would be okay, so then she had to be, right? Right. Now where did Peyton run off to? Brooke didn't really want to break the news to her girlfriend, but she knew she had to tell her who called, and she hoped that their newly established good moods didn't completely go away.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?"

"Well, I thought I should probably clear some space for your stuff. My room's not big enough for the both of us, so I'm cleaning out this closet and getting rid of some of this junk."

"Oh."

"Later you can help me move some of my crap in here to make room for some of your clothes. God knows both of our wardrobes aren't going to fit into my closet no matter how big, so we'll just have to decide what we want where."

"Oh! Yeah, no problem. You know, we could totally turn one of the extra bedrooms in this house into one gigantic closet, think of all the shoe space!"

"That definitely has to be one of your better ideas. After we see what all you have and go through it all, we should do that. Hell, there's enough space in this house where we could have one room for shoes alone."

"Ah, a woman after my own heart."

"You're such a goof, but I love you anyway.

"Mmmm, I love you too."

"So who was on the phone?"

Brooke's face fell and she untangled herself from around the blonde she had just moments before wrapped up in her arms. She was uneasy how to go about this, so she just decided to be straight forward. Stepping back a little to gain composure and strength, Brooke wrapped her arms around herself and began to speak.

"Dr. Bell. She wants to see us tomorrow at ten."

"Oh. Did she say, I mean, did she tell you anything?"

"No. She only said it wasn't as bad as the worse case scenario I pried out of her. And that you would be fine. But there was a tone in her voice, I know she meant it, and she was being truthful when she said you were going to be okay, but I can't get over that tone. She wasn't telling me everything; she said she couldn't over the phone. But I believe her Peyton and my boob-realization stands, you _are_ going to be okay, I know it."

"Okay, so we'll just wait and see what she says, it can't be that bad if she said I'll be fine. Wait, what's this worst case stuff you're talking about?"

"Right, well the other day when I said I was going to the bathroom, I actually went to talk to Dr. Bell some more. I didn't want to upset you, I didn't know how you would react if I got all worried and started asking a bunch of questions."

"It's okay Brooke, you're just worried, I understand. And you're right; I didn't really want to hear anymore then. So what, um, what did she say."

"She assured me that they would do everything to find out what was making you sick. And that there was a good chance that it was just some virus like she told you. But I needed to know everything I guess, just not the best chances. She told me worst case you might have leukemia or something similar, but she highly doubted that was the case. Then she reassured me they would find out soon and that the best thing for me to do was be supportive to you and that you were already starting to look better. I kind of broke down a little. I can't lose you Peyton and I don't want you to have to go through anymore shit in your life. So she told me everything would be fine, to just be strong, and that's it."

"Brooke, why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to worry you; I had to be strong for you. You're the one who's sick, and if I broke down than who would be there for you?"

"Come here. Look at me and listen carefully. I can't,_ won't_, lose you either. We'll get through this. But you don't have to be so strong all the time. You've been carrying around the knowledge that I might have cancer for days now. I can't imagine how that has been for you. We can both break down, and both be there to catch each other when we fall. Just because I may or may not be seriously sick doesn't mean I still can't be there for you, okay?"

"Okay, I just didn't want to even think of the possibility. I just can't, Peyton, I just got you back, I can't…"

"You won't. Don't cry, I'll always hold you when you need me to, I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank God. I couldn't bear it."

"Me neither."

Meanwhile, in the Big Apple…

"You know, we've been here, what two days already? And we have barely even started packing. Maybe we should concentrate on that today, then get back to the sight seeing and what not tomorrow."

"Haley, total buzz kill."

"Shut it Luke. Haley does have a point though, I hate to admit. But I have to side with her, she's my wife."

"Alright then, who wants to tackle the bedroom?"

"Neither one of you are doing that. A girl's bedroom is like her sanctuary, and I will not have either one of you perv's snooping through her things."

"Aw, come on sweetie, I'll help you."

"No, you won't, you and Lucas will work on the rest of this place, I will take care of the bedroom."

"Fine, fine, as you wish."

"Man, you are so whipped."

"Ow Haley! You didn't have to hit me!"

"Looks like I'm not the only one Lucas."

"Ugh, boys."

They parted ways at the couch, the boys trudging over to get the boxes, and Haley to Brooke's bedroom to start packing.

"Hey Hales, here's some more boxes, you'll probably need them, if only for the shoes alone."

"Yeah, she does have a lot of stuff in here."

"You need any help just shout."

"Hey, Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"You think they'll finally be okay?"

"Who?"

"Peyton and Brooke you dense idiot."

"Oh, um, how do you mean."

"Listen even though neither came out and told me, I know they are in love with each other. I could just tell, and now with Brooke back, and the way she's taking care of Peyton, it's just obvious to me that they have finally told each other the truth. I told Brooke I was happy for her when we left, and just by the slightly shocked look she had and then that huge smile, that only confirmed what I already knew. So do you think they'll be alright?"

"Wow. Okay, I knew Peyton was gay, 'cause she told me, well more like yelled it at me, last summer, but anyway. Man, how could I have missed this? Brooke and Peyton, it all fits so much more clearly now. And to answer your question now that I'm not such a dense idiot and understand what you meant, yes, I really hope they can be happy now, they deserve to be."

"I'm sorry, Luke, I thought you knew. But I'm glad you're okay with them being together."

"I really am, Haley. I still can't believe I was so blind though. So, back to packing. Wait, does Nathan know?"

"Shoot, no, I don't think so. Should we tell him, or just let them break the news?"

"We might as well, I don't think the girls would mind too much, I think they already have a lot to deal with as it is. Plus I think the sooner the better, and since we're here, if he doesn't take it too well, at least we're a good distance away for him to deal."

"Alright, you're right. NATHAN! Come in here!"

"What is it Hales?"

"We need to tell you something."

"Okay…"

"Well um…it's about Peyton."

"Did you hear from her, is she okay?"

"No, we haven't heard anything. This more has to deal with her and Brooke."

"Okay, so what is it?"

"Well, okay, so last year Peyton told me she was gay."

"So?"

"That doesn't bother you?"

"No. But why are you telling me, shouldn't she be the one doing this if she wanted me to know?"

"Probably, but we don't think she'll mind considering everything else that's going on. So um, she and Brooke, they you know have been friends for a while."

"Dude, save yourself the trouble, I'm not completely stupid. I know they've had some kind of thing for each other for a while now. You could see it in the way they looked at each other. I assume that they have finally figured whatever the hell happened out, and that they're like together or whatever now."

"Yeah, see Lucas, not everyone is as blind as you."

"Of all people I thought you would have figured it out before anyone else. Oh well, just proves I'm smarter than you."

"Right…anyway on with the packing."

"Oh come on, just admit that it. It's okay Lucas, no one is going to think any less of you just because I'm smarter."

"Leave him alone Nathan. I expect at least one room to be finished by the next time I come out there."

"Yes m'am, tutor-wife sir."

"Again, _boys!_"

"Where do I know this song from?"

"It's Jimmy Eat World. You remember the last night at Tric before you had to leave and spend the summer with your parents in California? This is the song they played after you introduced them."

"Oh, right. Yeah, I remember I couldn't find you. And when I finally did you were outside crying as Jake sped off on his motorcycle."

"Yeah. I wasn't crying so much because I was going to miss him and Jenny. I mean I was, and I did. I was more upset because his leaving only meant I couldn't continue to try and distract my feelings with him. I would be alone again, and with you leaving, I was a total mess."

"You knew before then how you felt about me?"

"Yeah. I guess I wasn't ready to admit it; I still tried to convince myself otherwise. But then you weren't going to be around, and it all hit me so hard that I would eventually lose you. So I was crying."

"I wish we had been able to realize everything a whole lot sooner. It would have saved us so much pain."

"Yeah, but I guess all the drama and detours brought us to this point for a reason. I'm just glad we got here at all Brooke, I'm still in shock."

"Me too, I think I'll be thankful for you and us every moment for the rest of my life."

"I just hope we get this, you know? I really want to not be so sick that I do end up losing you, or you me. And I hope neither of us fuck this up either. Brooke, no matter what happens, with my health or anything else, just know that I love you with everything I have, and this past week or so with you, has been the happiest I think I have ever been. Even if it's all we get, I'll be happy with just knowing what we had and could have had."

"Peyton, don't talk like that, we have all the time in the world. But I get where you're coming from, and I feel the same way. I really don't want to lose you and I don't intend to. And no matter what, I will always love you too, and I will always be here, you make me so happy."

"Before we make each other cry even more maybe we should just go get some food and then go to bed. Tomorrow is probably going to be stressful we should rest up."

"Come on Blondie, I'll make you my specialty."

"Cereal?"

"I'll have you know I can make eggs, anything to do with a toaster or a microwave, I am very skilled."

"I know you are. Just don't make too much, I think I'm even less hungry than I have been, what with the nervousness and all."

"I feel it too, but you have to eat something. So just a little bit, for me okay?"

"Anything for you."

As they sat after finishing their small meal, both emotionally drained from the day and the day to come, silence filled the room. A thought occurred to Peyton, the second letter she had left for Brooke in her room, did she leave it out, did she ever get it? Did she understand?

"Did you get that second letter?"

"What? Oh the one with the lyrics, yeah."

"So you read it, and you still stayed. You haven't really said anything about what I wrote in those letters."

"Well, I think the first one pretty much has all been explained more or less. And this second one…"

Brooke pulled a piece of paper out of her back pocket, carefully unfolding it. She glanced over it, then looked up at Peyton.

"…this second one I think I can figure out too. I mean it's so full of pain and regret, which I totally understand."

"You keep it with you?"

"Maybe someday you'll write me another letter, one that wasn't written because you thought you would never see me again. One full of love, not pain."

"Yeah."

"I keep it, I guess, because it's a piece of you. It so clearly conveys who you are, so giving, even in your own pain putting others before yourself. I know the regret, the heartache, the want to move past it but can't. I know all of that when I read this, and I can feel it too, because it's exactly what I was feeling."

"I meant it. Every word. Though I feel more, I don't know, at peace with myself I guess than I did before. It's not much, but I feel more complete, like I had lost a big part of me, and it's slowly coming back. You're fixing me Brooke. If all else fails…"

"If all else fails…"

The looked each other in the eyes so sincerely, so lovingly, that there was no doubting the truth behind their words. This was how it was always supposed to be. Brooke could always remember feeling a million times better in any aspect when she was with Peyton as apposed to anyone else, no matter what she was doing. It just took her a hell of a long time to realize why. And now that they had finally found their way back to each other, found each other really, she felt even more complete than she ever thought she could. She really was home.

As the next morning came, neither Brooke nor Peyton wanted to get out of bed, let alone wake up, to face the day they knew was coming. It just wasn't something to look forward to, and they wished they could avoid it all together. But unfortunately, the desire to finally know once and for all got the better of Brooke and she grudgingly got out of bed, somewhat ready to face the day, or at least a nice long shower.

As she was beginning to undress for her shower Brooke heard the creak of the door and instantly spun around after jumping nearly a foot in the air.

"PEYTON! You scared the hell out of me. What are you doing?"

"Showering with a friend, conserving water?"

"You just want to see me naked."

"Well that too, but honestly Brooke, I think the environment could use a break, we really should conserve more water."

"You do huh? Well strictly in the interest of the environment, you are welcome to join me in the shower Peyton Sawyer."

"Why thank you Brooke Davis, I'm so glad you're eco-friendly. I just don't think I could stay with a person who wasn't willing to share a shower in the interest of making the earth a better place."

"Honestly, what is the world coming to?"

They both burst out laughing as they could no longer continue on with their charade. Sobering up quickly to the fact that they would both need to undress to actually get into the shower, the laughter died down to a silence as all that could be heard was the steady stream of the water pouring down. Capturing Peyton's eyes with her own, Brooke took a step forward and captured the blonde's lips with her own in a slow, reassuring kiss. As they broke apart, eyes still locked, Brooke slowly removed her top, followed by her shorts. Blushing slightly at the fact that the only remains of her sleep clothes left was her underwear bottoms, Brooke ducked her head momentarily before looking up to see Peyton's reaction.

Peyton looked on in awe. She knew Brooke had a beautiful body. They had seen each other in various forms of undress and nudity plenty of times over the years, but this was very different. Standing before her, topless, Brooke was breathtaking. And Peyton made her feelings known as she gasped and smiled at Brooke, telling her how beautiful she truly was.

"You're gorgeous, you know that?"

This caused more blushing, which was to be expected. Brooke walked closer to Peyton, resting her hands on the hips of the blonde.

"If you're not ready, you don't have to do this."

"It's okay. Want to help me out of these clothes?"

Grinning like an idiot, Brooke began to lift the shirt of her girlfriend, taking in the sight of her topless. Staring back into her eyes she spoke in a breathy whisper.

"You, P. Sawyer, are stunning."

Receiving a sheepish grin in response, Brooke slowly removed the pajama pants from the blonde. After thoroughly kissing her, she snaked her hands down Peyton's sides, looping her thumbs in the girl's underwear and slowly removing it. After being helped out of her last article of clothing, Peyton then returned to kissing the brunette as she aided the girl in getting rid of her own panties. Completely naked, lost in each other, the girls somehow managed to make it into the shower never breaking contact. Their 'activities' progressed and by the time they were finally finished in the shower, the water had long been cold.

"Okay, shower sex is officially my new favorite thing in the world, ever."

"I can't believe our first time together was in the shower. But I do have to agree Brooke, that was beyond amazing."

"We will definitely be doing that again."

"Count on it."

"How much time do we have?"

"Um…shit! Like a half hour before we have to be there. We better get a move on it. And Brooke?"

"Yes babe?"

"You are a goddess."

"Go get dressed Blondie before I'm forced to attack you."

"You know you want to."

"Quit being a tease, we have to get ready."

"I know, I just wanted this to last a littler longer. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for what's to come, the suspense is killing me. But you know just how to take care of that, don't you? Show me that thing you do with your tongue again."

"Peyton, stop! I'm getting dressed before you corrupt me."

"Corrupt you? Fat chance!"

"Go. Get. Dressed."

Peyton just laughed to herself as she knew she was getting Brooke all worked up. That shower would live on in her memory forever. It was amazing, to say the least. But now she had to get her mind out of the very appealing and satisfying gutter and see if she had a future to face.


	9. The Pros And Cons Of Breathing

**-The Pros and Cons of Breathing-**

Suddenly the weight of everything seemed to come crashing down on Peyton. Here she was, sitting in Dr. Bell's office, next to Brooke who was holding her hand. Waiting for what seemed like hours, she was soon going to find out her fate. The stress of the whole thing was getting to her and she felt herself begin to panic. Noticing that her breathing was coming in shorter, uneven gasps, Brooke immediately crouched in front of her calming Peyton down.

"Hey, hey, calm down Goldilocks. Come on, you're okay, breathe, just take nice deep breaths. That's it, you're okay, breathe."

"I'm okay, I'm okay, sorry. I just kind of freaked, it's like just now sinking in how serious this all is."

"Well no time like the present I guess."

As Brooke was sure Peyton had settled down and was now much calmer, she sat back in her chair next to Peyton. Waiting there holding hands, in front of the desk with the name plate of Dr. Bell, deafening silence was all around. As if on cue, the door opened and in walked the doctor herself.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. How are we doing today ladies?"

"We're okay, we've certainly been better, but we're fine."

Peyton shot Brooke a knowing glance that held both a scold and a smirk in one, not quite sure if her little statement had double meaning, though she would bet almost anything it did. Brooke only smiled back in response, clearly giving herself away.

"Yes well that's understandable. As I told Brooke on the phone yesterday Peyton, we have gotten your test results back and we do have a definitive diagnosis for you."

"So, how bad is it?"

"It's very manageable. You don't have cancer, which would have been in the worst case category. What you have is filed somewhere closer to best case I would say. Addison's disease, which you have, is a rare condition that develops when the adrenal glands don't function properly. All of your symptoms, the weakness, weight loss, nausea, are all indicative of Addison's. Also emotional distress is a big one which I don't mean to be rude but I picked up that maybe there was a little more you weren't exactly forthcoming with, which I can understand. But I will need to know if you've experienced anything of the sort in order to properly treat you."

"Right, sorry, she didn't want me telling you. Peyton?"

"I thought I was going crazy. Let's just say I was seeing someone who wasn't there and we had some pretty in depth conversations during our encounters."

"Okay, hallucinations are understandable. And you are certainly not crazy."

"So, how did I get this, I mean how did it happen or whatever?"

"Well what it means is that you're adrenal gland is failing, or not working properly. This can be caused by a problem with your body's immune system, by infection, injury, even tumor. You have no tumor so it would be fairly safe to assume at some point in the last year you contracted an infection of some sort that either weakened your immune system to the point of adrenal gland failure, or something similar. If I were to guess, and I don't mean to judge here, you developed Addison's sometime while you were using. The time line fits, and with all the other symptoms, it's a rather safe bet. But exactly how you got it, we may never know."

"So it's my fault I'm sick, great. This is just great."

"No, Peyton, it's not your fault. You got sick, that is just a thing of nature. You may not have been able to avoid this if you tried. Just because it happened at that time in your life doesn't mean your using or anything you did during that time had anything to do with it."

"She's right Peyt; you didn't do this to yourself. And she's going to be okay right? You said she would be fine on the phone."

"Yes. Addison's disease is completely manageable. You will have to take medicine for the rest of your life for the adrenal glands to function properly, but once treatment is started, most people lead very healthy lives. This isn't a death sentence or by any means a handicap."

"Okay, so I just have to take meds and I'll be okay?"

"Basically yes. I will give you further information before you leave for you to read over. The way this has most affected you over the last year has most likely been in the stress department. One of the functions of the adrenal glands is to release a hormone that helps you deal with stress from various sources. You could have possibly already had this even before you hit a bump in the road. So as your body tried to deal with the stress, it couldn't properly, that's one of the reasons why emotional distress is such an occurrence. It's more of a manifestation of the effects. Your body can't properly cope, so other things tend to get thrown off balance."

"So she really is going to be okay?"

"Yes, she will be. Once the treatment starts to take effect, the symptoms should clear completely."

"That's good news then."

"Yes, Peyton, this is good news. Do you mind if I ask, more out of curiosity, what were your emotional distress symptoms?"

"Oh, well, I was, uh, it was Brooke."

"Sorry, I don't follow." 

"One night, I was high off my ass, and I think I was walking aimlessly around my house or something, and there she was, standing in front of me. I knew she wasn't real, one because she had left, and two, most of the things she said, Brooke would never say. So yeah, I've been haunted by faux-Brooke for the better part of the past year."

"Hmm. Interesting. Well, like I said, I was curious. It's somewhat ironic though, if you don't mind me being so forward."

"It's okay, I think my pride and dignity preserve factors have pretty much gone out the window for the day."

"Well, what I mean is, okay first I should probably make sure you two are in fact a couple in case I was totally wrong and then this will really be out of line."

"No, it's okay. Peyton and I are together. I mean I've only been back in her life for like two weeks after almost a year and half, but we cleared the air surrounding what happened and we know how we feel about each other. So unless you have any objections Peyt, I think it's safe to say we're girlfriends."

Peyton nodded in the affirmative and gave a soft simile to Brooke.

"So, as I was saying. I find it kind of ironic, that from what I gather, you two were in love with each other, but couldn't admit it and then had your fallout. Then when you are hurting so much, the person that brings you out of your darkness is also the one who it was rooted in. Sure, you blamed yourself for everything, and the guilt alone is probably what made Brooke be the one you saw, but it's sort of poetic in a way that she was the only one who could bring you out that place, even though there was so much pain in your heart surrounding her."

"I see what you mean. It's always been Brooke, she's always been there for me, so I guess it only makes sense that it would still be her even if it wasn't really."

"Oh, before I forget. I was a psychology minor in med school so I sometimes treat my patients in that aspect too. If you ever feel like the two of you might need more help working through the past, I'm here for that as well. The emotional distress aspects of Addison's can sometimes have lasting effects depending on what they are. I've decided to stay in Tree Hill with this practice, and unless you want to continue with your regular doctor when he gets back, I will be overseeing your treatment."

"Thank you Dr. Bell, we appreciate everything. And even though I've know you for like a week, I already like you a hell of a lot better than my regular guy, so I think I'll stick with you. If I feel like I need more help in the uh, 'crazy' department, or if Brooke here thinks I do and makes me, then I will see you for that too and I will be honest form here on out, for all of our sakes."

"Agreed, you two take care now. The receptionist will have the materials you need along with your prescriptions and anything else. I need to see you back here in two weeks to check in so you can make that appointment on your way out. You're going to be fine Peyton, I'll see you then."

The girls left the office in much higher spirits than when they came in. Sure, Peyton would be somewhat sick for the rest of her life, but if she took the medicine she would be relatively healthy from now on as well. Despite everything else, things appeared to be finally looking up for both Peyton and Brooke.

"So what do we do now? I mean, we don't have your unknown health looming over our heads now, we know you're going to be fine, neither of us have jobs, Nathan, Haley, and Lucas are still in New York, and we have no plans. What should we do?"

"Well, seeing as most of the day is already gone, I say we rent movies and maybe you could show me that thing with your tongue again later in bed."

"Sounds like a plan. Not that I'm not looking forward to that, especially the last part, but you do know I meant like more long term what do we do, like tomorrow, next week, this summer?"

"I know, I just don't want to think about that right now. All I know is this – I'm not dying, I'm finally with the person I love, and today has already been so stressful, I just want to go home and spend it with you." 

"I can deal with that. So ice cream, pizza or both?"

"Whatever, as long as you're happy, I'm happy."

"As much as I love the sweet things you say, I'm betting, while I have no doubt that you were being honest, that you're just not hungry."

"Caught me."

"As long as you at least try to eat a little something, then I'll be happy. I won't force you, but I may withhold certain 'skills' from you later."

"Who's the tease now?"

"Come on, let's go home."

"So, do we have everything?"

"Yeah, I double checked every room, had Nathan looked in all the closets and storage space. Everything is either packed in the U-Haul, packed in the car, or on its way to being shipped back home."

"Good, then I guess we're ready to go."

"Lucas, you sure you're okay with their relationship?"

"Yeah Hales. I mean at first I was shocked, I mean how could I have missed it, it all makes so much sense now. It might take me a little while for it to sink in, but I really do want them to be happy. So yes, I'm fine with it."

"That's good Luke, just from the look Brooke gave me when I told her I knew, they are going to be so happy together. It's just sad that it took them so long to get to this point, and that they both had to go through so much."

"I know what you mean, but hopefully now they can just be together and well, be. They deserve it."

"Alright wife, bro, everything is locked up, packed up, and gassed up. Let's hit the road."

"Sounds like a plan."

"I'm glad we took a whole week to take care of everything, if we tried to do it in two days, I don't think we would have finished. And we definitely wouldn't have been able to enjoy the city as much as we did."

"Yeah, though I bet Brooke would actually like to see some of her stuff soon, so we better hit the road. Why don't you drive first Luke, then we can switch later."

"Sure Nate, alright, goodbye New York, Tree Hill here we come!"

"Ugh, this is going to be a long drive."

In a sweaty heap in the middle of the bed, Peyton and Brooke struggled to regain their breath. After their night in of movies, Brooke put to use her 'skill' and they had finally run out of steam, 3 hours later. Now, in the middle of the night, both completely satisfied, they had regained lung control and were now wrapped up in each other drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

After waking up the next morning, eating breakfast and fooling around some more, they were once again lying in bed after what neither could deny was amazing sex. By the time afternoon had rolled around, they had once again drifted off to sleep when they were abruptly woken up by the sound of a car horn. Brushing it off, Peyton tried to fall back asleep, as Brooke had already managed. Just as she was about to sink back, she heard the all too familiar sound of the front door shutting, followed by footsteps and a voice moving through the house headed toward their room. Quickly making sure they were covered due to the distinct lack of clothing, she untangled herself from Brooke just as someone appeared in her doorway.

"…Brooke, Peyton? Hey are you guys…"

Peyton clutched the sheet closer to her as Haley covered her eyes and turned around.

"Sorry, I called when I opened the door but got no response. I didn't know if you two were home or not. I'm really sorry Peyton."

"Haley, calm down, it's okay. We should be getting up anyway. How about we meet you downstairs in a few minutes? Please don't let the boys come up here."

"Totally, no problem. I'll just be going them. Oh, and Peyton? I'm really happy for the two of you."

"Thanks, we'll be down in a few."

"Are they home?"

"Yeah, they're uh, just upstairs."

"Oh, I'm going to go say hi." 

"NO! I mean, Peyton said they'd be down in a few minutes, she wanted us to wait down here."

"Okay—you feel alright Hales? You're a little jumpy." 

"I'm fine Luke, just a long drive you know?"

"Yeah…come on; let's go give Nathan a hand, start bringing some stuff in."

"Sure, let's go do that."

"Brooke! Wake up!"

"Mhmm, come back to bed Blondie."

"No, Brooke, we have to get up. Nathan, Lucas and Haley are back. They're here."

"What!? Oh my God, we have to get dressed, hurry up; I don't want to get walked in on." 

"Too late."

Peyton only mumbled this to herself but Brooke caught it none the less.

"Come again; please tell me they did not see us in bed together, NAKED!"

"No, no. I mean, yes, Haley saw us in bed, but I made sure we were covered up. She's making sure the boys don't come up here. Apparently she knows about us, she said she was happy for us. She was also blushing furiously when she saw us, but she'll be okay."

"Oh God. Look, Peyton, don't get me wrong, I am in no way ashamed to be with you, I just haven't exactly thought about how we tell our friends, so hence the freaking out."

"It's okay, I understand. Let's just get dressed, go help them unload all your shit and play the whole coming out thing or whatever by ear."

"One, my stuff is not shit. Two, alright, we'll just see how things go."

"That's my girl, now move your ass B. Davis, we got to get dressed and move all of your oh-so-precious-stuff into the house. That alone could take forever."

"Ha ha Blondie. Just get out of bed already, I miss my things."

After meeting the boys and Haley downstairs, they all proceeded to unload the boxes from the U-Haul and the car. Well, more like the boys moved everything in while the girls occasionally 'helped.'

"You'd think since this is all of your stuff you might want to help move it in, but no, don't risk breaking a nail, let me and Lucas here do all of the heavy lifting."

"I don't do manual labor, and Blondie here is too weak to help, and Haley helped you pack, so she deserves to not help unload and sit here in our company. Honestly Nathan, did you think this was going to end up any other way?"

"No, actually I didn't. Well, all the boxes are in the house in one room or the other. The only things you don't have should arrive by mail in the next week or so, so…I guess that's it then. We're done."

"Good job boys. So who's helping me unpack all of this shit, because I doubt Brooke will be much help."

"Hey, I resent that, I could so help. I mean they are my things, so I will at least be opening up the boxes. I'm not completely useless."

"Sure, sure. So you guys want to hang out or something?"

"Yeah, just from the little I actually did to help – Brooke – I think I just want to stay here and hang, that cool with everyone?"

"Sounds good, so how are you two doing?"

"Um, fine, I guess?"

"Relax Brooke, we all know. Granted Lucas was too blind to see it, we kind of figured it out, and we're happy for you."

"Really? That's great then, at least we don't have to worry about how we were going to tell you guys. So how'd you know?"

"Well, like I hinted to when we left, I just knew. Brooke, the way you and Peyton look at each other, the way you have always acted with each other, I knew there was something more there, I just didn't know if anything would come from it. And then when you came back and I saw both of you, I just knew. So when we were in New York, packing everything, I was talking to Lucas, I didn't know he didn't know, so I'm sorry on that front."

"But I'm completely okay with it, sure I'm still a little shocked, but I'm happy for you. And now when I think back, it does make sense, I don't know how I didn't see it. Continue on Hales."

"Right, so we didn't know if Nathan knew and I hate keeping things from him so we just decided to tell him, mostly out of fear of how he would react."

"They called me in where they were and started to explain and I just knew where they were going. I didn't actually know that you two had gotten together, but after they mentioned you and the looks they were giving me, I put it together. And yeah, I noticed the looks and stuff a long time ago too, and I could care less about it."

"Well thanks for that Nathan, I think." 

"No, I mean, I don't care one way or the other, as long as you're both happy, then I'm happy for you. It doesn't bother me. I was just surprised this one here didn't figure it out sooner, I mean come on Luke, how could you have not seen it?"

"Anyway…so yeah, we all know, we're happy for you and completely supportive, you have nothing to worry about from us."

"Thanks you guys you have no idea how much this means to Brooke and I, really it's a load off not having to worry about it."

"No problem. Well, I'm think some baskets are in order, Lucas?"

"Yeah, we'll leave you girls alone for girl talk and unpacking or whatever else it is you do when we men are not around."

"Just don't corrupt my wife."

"Whatever, honestly Nathan, I doubt Haley could be swayed to the Sapphic side, she loves you too damn much. Hey, why don't we all meet up at the café for dinner, say six-ish?" 

"Sounds good, later ladies."

"Tootles."

"Later."

"Bye honey, bye Lucas."

"So what should we do now?"

Sitting around the kitchen table, the three girls had been part taking in idle chit chat for a few minutes. Looking over at Peyton, Haley was reminded of the past year and a half, how everything had gone so bad for her, and how sick she looked. She knew she had been to the doctor's but that was all she had heard. Worried about her friend she decided to broach the subject.

"So how did the doctor's go? I know I don't really know much, but I'm assuming Brooke made you go; we've all been worried about you but didn't know what to do. Karen told me you went, so are you okay?"

"Well, good news, I'm not dying, right now at least."

"Oh my God, how bad is it?"

"She's so dramatic, relax Tutor-wife. She'll be fine. She's got this thing called Addison's disease. And so we don't have to keep explaining it, we were just going to tell everyone at the café later, okay?"

"Damn it Peyton don't scare me like that. I can wait for the explanation later. I'm just glad you finally went to a doctor, or rather that Brooke made you go."

"Yeah, she's such a bitch."

"You love it."

"Maybe."

"Right, so, why don't we unpack some of you're things Brooke, you know, before you two start making out on the table right in front of me."

"Sorry, come on, I want to be reunited with my clothes."


	10. It's A Dangerous Business

**_AN: A quick thank you to all of you who have reviewed, you know who you are. I'm glad that despite my doubts, some of you do seem to like this story, and I truly appreciate knowing that. That being said, I give you another chapter...enjoy and as always, feedback of any kind is welcome._**

****

**-It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door-**

Everyone – being Peyton, Brooke, Haley, Nathan, Lucas, and Karen – gathered at Karen's Café for dinner. After some small talk and various other subjects, Brooke and Peyton told everyone what they had learned form the doctor and had just finished up their explanation.

"You're going to be okay, right?"

"I'll be fine Nathan, I just have to take this medicine for the rest of my life, and then that should keep me healthy. I'm lucky to have all of you in my life, and I'm sorry I didn't listen to you guys sooner."

"We're all just relieved to have answers now, and to know that you'll get better Peyton. We've all been worried, we're just glad to finally know and have some positive news."

"Well, I'm not dying yet so you all can quit bugging me so much. I take the pills, I should be fine."

"Stop that Peyton, right now."

"What, Brooke what's with the harshness?"

"Listen to me Blondie, I know how serious this is, and I know how serious it could be. But you can't keep making those remarks about dying and stuff. I don't want to hear it and it's really upsetting. Knowing I could lose you, it's just too much. I'm sorry; I have to use the restroom."

"Brooke…"

"Let her go. She's right Peyton, what you said earlier at your house freaked me out. You should have seen the look on Brooke's face. I know that this is probably just some way for you to cope, but you can't just say stuff like that. We all know the severity of your condition now, and we're all going to worry. But you have to know, Brooke is going to worry about a 100 times more, and she already feels so guilty, you can't put her through that or you'll lose her."

"You're right, I'm sorry Haley, I'm sorry everyone. I'm going to go make sure she's alright."

Peyton knocked on the bathroom door before opening it and slipping inside.

"Brooke baby, are you okay?"

"Do I look okay to you!?"

"No, I'm sorry about what I said. I'm just scared and I know I shouldn't be talking like that. I'm really sorry; I didn't mean to upset you."

"Damn it Peyton, I can't lose you. I'm already worried, like all the time, and then when you go and say stuff like that, it makes the reality of the situation come crashing down on me harder every time."

"I know, I'm sorry, I don't want to lose you either."

By now both girls were crying in each others arms.

"So she really is going to be okay right?"

"Yes and no. Listen kids, I know she doesn't want to make it seem like a big deal, despite her weird sense of humor or coping or whatever it is she is doing, but it is serious. Addison's disease can be deadly. But now that she knows what is wrong with her, the medicine will make up for the fact that her adrenal gland is failing and will keep her as close to healthy as possible. She probably won't talk about it much with anyone other than Brooke so I wouldn't push her, just be there for her, its all any of us can do."

"You're right mom, you're always right. I'm just glad we finally know, and that she's getting treatment."

"We all are Lucas, thank God for Brooke though, because all of us tried to talk to her about her health and how she was doing, and got absolutely nowhere. If she hadn't come back, Peyton might have ended up dead before any of us knew anything."

"Let's try to not think like that Haley, she'll be fine now, and she does have Brooke, so we know that girl won't let her get away with much."

"Yeah, if she dies she'd kill her."

"Very profound Nathan, that made loads of sense."

"You know what I mean Luke."

They all nodded in understanding.

It had now been two weeks since all of Brooke's stuff had been moved from New York, everyone found out about Peyton's illness, and things were settling into a normal rhythm for all around Tree Hill. Despite still being tired almost all of the time, Peyton was starting to look healthier. And although she slept a lot, during the day as well, she had been having trouble sleeping at night ever since the news.

So this is how she found herself awake at four in the morning on a Tuesday with nothing to do. Slowly getting out of bed, careful not to wake her sleeping beauty, Peyton made her way out of their room and down the stairs. Not really thinking much about what she had intended on doing, she opened the door and stepped out into the night air, and just kept walking.

By eight Brooke was up, more due to a lack of body contact then actually wanting to be awake. She didn't know what time Peyton had left their bed, so she got up and went in search through the house intending to drag her Peyton shaped security blanket/pillow back to bed with her. After checking everywhere, even outside, she started to panic. Brooke quickly dialed the numbers of all of their friends asking if they had seen her. When all the answers were negative, she decided to go search for her. Concluding she could cover more ground she hoped in her car, taking note that Peyton's was still there so she couldn't have gone too far. Much to her relief Brooke found Peyton in the second place she had thought to look.

Now nearly ten, Brooke slowly walked into the Tree Hill cemetery. She could see Peyton sitting in front of her mother's grave as she made the walk over. The closer she got, the more her worry faded, she was pissed as hell, but more than anything she was just concerned. When she was a few yards away Brooke noticed Peyton was shivering but it was like it didn't even affect her, she had a blank look on her face, completely dazed.

"Peyton? Peyton baby, its cold, what are you doing out here?"

She showed no signs she even heard the voice. Peyton just kept starring off into space like she had been for the last six hours. When she left the house she was still in her boxer shorts and tank top. While it was summer, the warmth of the day never really came until late morning. Brooke was wearing a hoody and pants, and she was slightly chilled. Nothing could break her out of her reverie; she was lost in her mind, totally gone.

"Baby please answer me. Peyton!?"

When she again got no answer and fully absorbed Peyton's state she rushed back to her car to grab a blanket and her phone. After wrapping the still dazed Peyton up to keep her warm, Brooke pulled out her phone and dialed the number of Peyton's doctor, not knowing what else to do.

"…How may I help you?"

"I need to speak with Dr. Bell, it's an emergency."

"One moment please."

Brooke sat down next to Peyton on the bench, one arm wrapped around her pulling the girl into her as she was put on hold, her worry growing with every second. Glancing back at the blonde, she saw that while she had stopped shivering, she was still in some sort of trance, not registering a thing, just looking straight ahead at her mother's head stone.

"This is Dr. Bell, what seems to be the problem?"

"Dr. Bell, its Brooke Davis. I woke up this morning and couldn't find Peyton, I finally found her about five minuets ago. I don't know how long she's been out here, but she's been sitting in front of her mother's grave, and she was shivering, she was only wearing shorts and a sleeveless top. I can't get her to respond to me, it's like the light is on but no ones home, she has this far away look in her eyes and I don't know what do."

"Calm down Brooke. Just try and get her here as soon as you can, okay. If you have any trouble, just call an ambulance, I'll clear my schedule so we can figure out what happened. Stay calm, just get her here."

"Okay, okay, we're on our way."

Brooke hung up her phone and immediately proceeded to pick up Peyton; she was still very thin so it wasn't too much of a struggle. After making sure she was securely in her car, Brooke hopped in and sped off towards the doctor's office. Five minutes later she was once again gathering Peyton in her arms and rushing her inside. The receptionist saw them and called for Dr. Bell, who immediately came out and led the girls into an exam room.

"Has she said anything?"

"No, I don't understand, what happened, what's wrong?"

"Just set her down here and let me have a look at her."

"Alright, well, her body temperature seems to be back to normal. I know it wasn't exactly freezing this morning, but the shivering was a slight concern. No where did you say you found her?"

Dr. Bell was examining Peyton as she asked Brooke questions. Making sure her pupils were equal and reactive, that her pulse was steady and everything else seemed to be in check, she looked back at Brooke for an answer.

"Brooke?"

"Oh, um, I found her in the cemetery; she was sitting on the bench in front of her mother's grave. She had this faraway look in her eyes, she just stared at it in like a daze or something, it was like she couldn't even hear me."

"Okay, you need to calm down Brooke, take a breath. Now, how did her mother die, it might be important?"

"Which one?"

"Which one? How did Peyton's mother, whose grave she was at earlier, die?"

"Oh sorry, um, she was in a car accident. She ran a red light trying to get to school to pick up Peyton, she was running late. A car hit her and she died the next day. We were ten."

"Okay, now what's this about the 'which one?'"

"Oh, like almost two years ago this woman showed up and said she was Peyton's mother. It turned out that Peyton was adopted, and then Ellie, her birth mom, she had breast cancer, and died a few months later. She loved Ellie, but she loved Anna too, she was her mom. Peyton always blamed herself for her death; she thinks it was her fault."

"Okay, I don't know if any of that is of importance, but it could be, so it was good that you told me. Now physically Peyton seems to be fine, but mentally, I don't know. Depending on how long she has been like this, she could just be really spaced out, or it could be something worse. For now I'm going to keep and eye on her here, but if she doesn't come around soon, I'm going to transfer her to another wing of the hospital. Let's just wait and see okay? I'll be back in a few minutes, just sit and talk to her until I come back."

"Sure."

As soon as she sat down, Brooke's cell phone started to ring. Looking at it for a moment, she decided to answer it.

"Hi."

"Did you find her?"

"Yeah, we're at the doctor's. Can you call everyone and tell them I found her. I'll fill you in later."

"Sure Brooke, just call if you need anything."

"I will Haley, thank you."

Putting her phone away, she looked over at her girlfriend; she was leaning up against the exam table, staring blankly at the wall.

"What happened Pey?"

She still got no answer, so she began nervously chatting away about anything that came to mind.

"Yeah, so I woke up, and you weren't there. I found you sitting by your mom, Peyton."

Fifteen more minuets had passed as Brooke was now rambling on about something having to do with clothes or fashion or something. Having run out of steam she sighed in a defeated manner, unsure what to continue on about.

"If all else fails, huh P. Sawyer?"

One beat, two, three beats, four.

"Brooke?"

"Peyton! Finally, don't ever do that again!"

"What's going on, why are we at the doctor's, what happened?"

It was at that moment that Dr. Bell came back into the room. Momentarily glancing up from her folder, she noticed the quizzical look on the blonde's face and knew she was out of whatever daze she had been in before.

"I see we're back in the land of the coherent."

"Huh?"

Brooke and Dr. Bell both explained to Peyton the situation. How she had been found in the cemetery, dazed out of her mind, not responding, and how she then got here.

"Um, okay?"

"Peyton, do you remember what time you woke up?"

"Yeah, it was around four I think, I couldn't sleep, and I didn't want to wake Brooke. I went downstairs and the last thing I remember I was walking out the front door."

"Jesus Peyton, you must have been out there for six hours!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry."

"Well, as far as I can tell you pretty much majorly spaced out there for a while. I won't lie, I am concerned a bit. Why don't you come back in a few days and we'll talk."

"Um, okay. Can Brooke come with me?"

"Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way. Now get some rest for a few days, Brooke, keep an eye on her, if she spaces for more than twenty minutes and you can't snap her out of it, call me. And Peyton, if you wake up in the middle of the night, or get the urge to just take off or something, tell Brooke. I don't want you going anywhere alone for a few days; you need to stay grounded until we get to the bottom of this."

"Okay, thanks Dr. Bell, we'll see you in a few days, and I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Just go home and enjoy each other's company, doctor's orders. And don't forget to take your medicine."

"Will do, come on Blondie, let's get you home."

As soon as they got back, Peyton collapsed onto the bed and buried herself under blankets making herself comfortable, with Brooke following right behind her doing the same. Once she had stopped squirming around, Brooke wrapped her arms around Peyton and brought her body flush against her lovers. They spooned in close to each other, relaxing and finding comfort in the arms of one another.

"You take such good care of me Brooke."

"I try. I always felt so guilty when we were fighting or I was busy and I couldn't be there to make sure you were okay. I always wanted to be there."

"My protector. I'd let you, you know?"

"Let me what, watch after you forever?"

"Yeah, I'll let you be my keeper, and I'll try my hardest to be yours."

"Sounds good to me Blondie, I'd love that."

Peyton tried to stifle a yawn as she was about to speak again, but then lost her words as she was slowly succumbing to sleep.

"Sleep now Pey, rest and I'll be right here when you wake up. It's okay to close you're eyes, I'll never leave you."

Brooke placed a few small kisses on Peyton's neck as she felt the girl drift off, and she too entered a peaceful sleep. Holding the one person she loved with all of her heart in her arms, she could slumber safely knowing she would always be there for her, knowing she would do whatever it would take to protect her and never let anything bad happen.


	11. Skeptics And True Believers

**-Skeptics And True Believers-**

The girls awoke sometime in the early afternoon. After cleaning themselves up and getting dressed for a day both thought was never going to progress outside of the house, they went into the kitchen to grab some food.

Each having finished their respective bowls of cereal, they sat in silence sipping their coffee, lost in their own thoughts. Once Brooke pushed her musings about some new clothing design she was contemplating out of her head she looked over at Peyton, concerned by the slightly glazed look in her eyes.

"You still with me Goldilocks?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah just thinking."

She stood up and motioned for the blonde to follow her, settling themselves down on the couch in the other room.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

Peyton gave a small shrug and took another sip of her drink before putting it down on the coffee table in front of her. Turning to face the brunette, she didn't quite know what to say, so she just stayed silent. Reaching out to tuck a few strands of curly blonde hair behind the girl's ear, Brooke then caressed her cheek before softly speaking.

"I know you miss her Pey, I know you miss both of them. I just wish I could make all the pain go away."

"I wish you could too. If only…"

"Stop. Do not continue with that sentence. Your mom's death wasn't you're fault, neither was Ellie's, so stop blaming yourself. I know how much losing both of them has hurt you, but you need to understand that it wasn't you're fault."

"I know, I know, but knowing doesn't stop me from feeling guilty."

"Maybe all of this has been like piling up. The guilt you hold over both of your mom's, all the pain and crap from the two of us, and now your illness. You hold so much inside Peyton, you need an outlet. Maybe it's all just hit the breaking point and something had to happen."

"Maybe. I don't know what to do Brooke. I don't know how to react or deal with this. The only thing I know is that I love you, and I don't want to lose you. But I'm so afraid that I will."

"Never, I will never let that happen."

"I really, really hope you're right."

* * *

"Have you talked to the girls lately Hales?"

Haley, Nathan, and Lucas all sat in the café enjoying some lunch on a lazy Friday afternoon, with nothing else to do.

"Brooke called me yesterday. She said they'd probably stay at home for a few days, that we could drop by this weekend. Apparently Peyton's been doing fine with her medication and all, but she's been taking some other things kind of hard and it's taking its toll."

"What do you mean?"

"You know how she can be Nathan, she barely lets anyone in, and even if you get that far, there are still walls up every turn you take. Brooke didn't go into too much detail, she didn't know much herself, but I guess the basics of it was that the emotional stuff was just overflowing. But she's fine now. She has another doctor's appointment on Monday. If we see them before then Brooke said not to mention it, touchy subject, but that she seemed to be in somewhat better spirits."

"Well that's good I guess. You guys want to come with me tomorrow to hang out there?"

"Sure Luke, just give us a call in the morning and we'll decide when to head over. I got to get back to work, you boys going to the river court?"

"We don't have to be at work, we have no plans, where else would we be?"

"Good point, see you at home Nathan, go easy on him Lucas."

"Please, I could so take him with one hand behind my back."

"Whatever Nate, later Hales."

* * *

"P. Sawyer! Get your skinny ass out of bed, right now!"

"Mhmmn, NO! Don't want to!"

"Now! If I have to come in there you are so going to regret it."

"Ha! Right, I'm not coming."

Mere seconds later she felt the bed sag just before all of the breath was knocked out of her as Brooke jumped on top of her. Quickly opening her eyes in shock, she caught the silent glare of warning from the brunette but still remained defiant and shook her head refusing to move.

"That's it, I warned you, now you only have yourself to blame."

Before she could even think about replying, Peyton was immediately attacked by fingers tickling at her sides, unrelenting, unforgiving.

"Brooke! No, please, stop!"

These words were barely managed out through gritted teeth and bursts of laughter as she tried to squirm away from the tickle attack.

"Are you going to get up?"

"Please! I'm sorry!"

"Is that a yes, I won't stop Peyton, I could tickle you all day."

"Yes, yes! Please, I'll get up, I'll get up!"

Brooke stopped her assault, still straddling the blonde and just looked down at her with a self satisfied grin on her face. Peyton was desperately trying to catch her breath and regain composure as she lay back.

"Good. That should teach you to talk back to your girlfriend."

"Brooke, shut up…just kiss me."

And she did, hard, passionate, and agonizingly slow. A heated make-out session began before Brooke reluctantly pulled away.

"Baby, as much as I would love to continue this, there was actually a reason why I came to get you out of bed."

"Since when are you one to hold back B. Davis?"

"Don't tempt me P. Sawyer, I am not in the mood to scar or arouse any of our friends when they come over in…fifteen minuets to find us having wild monkey sex up here when we are supposed to be meeting them downstairs to hang out."

"Wild monkey sex huh? Can I at least get a rain check on that?"

"Only if you get your ass out of bed, now."

"Fine, I'll be down in a few, I promise, and I'm holding you to that rain check!"

"Hurry up Blondie!"

Brooke smiled to herself as she was walking down the stairs, thoroughly looking forward to the 'rain check' that would be cashed in sometime in the near future. Now she just had to endure the afternoon with her girlfriend and friends knowing what was waiting for her. Damn those hormones and damn Peyton for being so damn hot. Who was she kidding, she was in heaven every time she saw the girl, she could die happy, just knowing that she had the love of her P. Sawyer. But alas, company awaited the brunette with only minutes to spare.

"Hey guys, come on in, Peyton's still getting dressed, she'll be down in a minute."

A round of silent nods followed as Brooke looked on some what suspiciously.

"What is up with you guys? Tutor-wife, what did you tell them to make you all silent?"

"Sorry, we just didn't know what to say."

"Whatever Broody, everything's fine, so act like it damn it!"

"Brooke, calm down, we're all good, okay? So, are you going to feed us or what?"

"Nathan, I swear you're always hungry, don't I feed you enough?"

"Of course you do Hales, we're just growing boys that are always in need of food."

"Food's in the kitchen, help yourselves."

As the boys made their way to scavenge through the refrigerator, Haley took Brooke's hand and led her over to the couch and they both sat down. After a few moments silence, Haley finally spoke.

"So how are you holding up Brooke? With everything going on, I feel like no one's taken the time to just check on you."

"You're a good friend Haley, I've missed that. But I'm fine, really. Sure, I'm stressed and worried, what with all that's been going on, but all that aside, I'm really okay. I'm happy with Peyton, really happy, and I just want her to get better, so she can be happy too."

"She is happy. I can tell, just the way she looks at you when you're in the same room. All things aside, she's much happier than she was a month ago. You really are what is best for her, she really is happier with you here."

"Thanks Tutor-wife."

"You know I'm here if you ever need to talk. Whatever you need, if you have to vent about Peyton or the doctors or how you broke a heel, anything at all, I'm here."

"I know, come on, we should probably grab some food before the boys eat it all."

"So Peyton…how's the medicine stuff?"

"Nathan!"

"What, geeze Haley, you didn't have to hit me."

"No, no, guys, it's okay. Uh, the meds are fine, I'm feeling better already, honest."

"Well you certainly look better, you don't look as deathly skinny anymore."

"Um, thanks Luke, I think?"

"Really, you're looking so much healthier."

"I agree, Peyton you do look much better. Brooke's must be taking good care of you."

"The best, you do know you don't have to do everything for me right Brooke?"

"Whatever, B. Davis looks after her girlfriends, no questions."

"Okay, one, don't ever refer to yourself in the third person, two, you only have one girlfriend."

"That you know of…"

"Brooke!"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You're the only one for me P. Sawyer, the only one."

"Okay! On that note, it's getting a little late, don't you think Nathan? Nathan!"

"What? Oh yeah, sorry, I was just distracted…"

"How can one kiss distract you so much?"

"Sorry Haley, we'll try and reign in our hormones around your husband…and guys in general. Lucas! Snap out of it already!"

"Boys…we'll see you later, thanks for the food girls, later"

"Bye Brooke, Peyton, call if you need anything."

"Later Broody, bye Tutor-wife, Nathan…"

"Yeah, sorry, bye."

As soon as the three left the girls burst out laughing. Who knew one little kiss between two girls could do so much to the males of the species?

* * *

Later on in the evening, as the day was coming to a close, Brooke found Peyton lounging on the front porch, looking up at the stars.

"There you are Blondie."

"Sorry…I didn't mean to worry you, I've just been here, sitting, searching."

"What for?"

"Answers. I have so many questions, for so many things, but mostly, I'm content with the lack of answers I have. Like no matter what the unanswered question is, having no answer doesn't bother me so much. But lately, some things just need endings, you know?"

Not really following, Brooke just nodded her head as she sat down next to Peyton and wrapped an arm around her, leaning her head against the blonde's shoulder.

"What's bothering you Peyt? What do you need a solution to?"

"I don't know, I just know that I do…"

Still, the brunette wasn't quite following. As much as she knew Peyton, as much as she could read the girl, there was a still a part that she could never quite reach, a part that was as big a mystery to her as why people watched American Idol. Well, honestly, that part of Peyton was a bigger mystery than that of the TV show; some people would watch almost anything.

Slightly concerned Brooke sat in silence for a few more minutes as the blonde continued her star gazing, trying to figure out the mysteries of her mind. Then out of seemingly nowhere, Peyton began to talk again, as if continuing a conversation from a moment ago.

"It feels like Jell-O sometimes. I have this picture in my mind. Like my brain is this cohesive whole, Jell-O, but something is breaking through it, ripping it apart, causing disjointed fragments to slip away. And then things just fade…and I forget things. I'll be doing something, washing my hands, and I don't know why. I need to check the levels, but I can't get into the control room."

What do you say to that? Brooke was speechless, she couldn't formulate a thing to say at that moment.

"Sometimes, I realize what I was just thinking, or what I said, and I have no idea where it comes from. It doesn't make any sense, but at the time, it made all the sense in the world. And it scares me, because a lot of the time, I find that I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's happening to me Brooke, I feel like I'm slipping away and there's nothing to pull me back."

"Never, I will never let you slip away from me Peyton. I'll be your anchor. We'll figure this out Peyt, we'll get you the help you need."

"Looking at the stars, I can't help but feel insignificant. There seems like there is always so much drama going on, not only in Tree Hill. But what does it mean? Nothing. In a hundred years, no one will remember us, or what happened here. Our issues won't matter. So what's the point, of anything? But the stars…the one's we see, they've already died, we stare at death every night. But then again, they live on, for all time, dieing and more being reborn, but they are always there. The whole world is moving and I'm standing still. I'm tired, can we go to bed?"

"Sure Blondie, let's get you inside."

After assuring Peyton that everything would be just fine Brooke tucked her in and watched her girlfriend fall into a light, fitful sleep. She sat up, stroking the blonde locks, using the simple action to sooth the girl into a more restful sleep.

Once she was sure Peyton was fast asleep, Brooke got out of bed to change. Resting her hands on the sink, the brunette stared at herself in the mirror for a moment before she looked away and started to softly cry. Everything was so overwhelming, just when she thought things were going to be okay, when things started to look up, a new curveball was thrown her way. She felt like there was nothing she could do, she was at a loss of how to help Peyton with the newest obstacle, and that hurt so much. But, this was Peyton, after all. So she would find a way.


	12. The Unwinding Cable Car

**-The Unwinding Cable Car-**

Having collected herself, washing away the tears that had spilled down her cheeks in her moment of weakness, Brooke moved on down the stairs, keeping quiet so as not to wake Peyton.

Sitting down at the kitchen table, resting her head in her hands, she looked up momentarily to look at the time. It was still early, not thinking that any of her friends would be asleep yet. Picking up the phone, Brooke dialed the number of the person she knew she could talk to.

"Hey, it's me, can you talk?"

"Of course Brooke, I told you, whatever you need. I know this must be so hard on you, not just Peyton. So how are you holding up?"

"Thanks Haley. I just thought everything was getting better, you know? Like yeah, her disappearing wasn't the greatest and all, but starting the medicine, I thought the worst was behind us. But earlier this evening, Haley, you should have seen the look in her eyes, the way she was talking. I don't even know how to explain it, she seemed so lost, and so, disconnected from herself. It scares me, it really does."

"How do you mean, what could she have said?"

"She wasn't making any sense. At first she was saying how she was looking to the stars for answers. Then she was talking about how her mind wasn't cohesive or something, that it was becoming Jell-O that was being ripped through. I don't know, I think I'm still trying to understand it. She said she felt like she was slipping away, and then about the stars being dead and us being insignificant in the world. She wasn't herself. I've never heard her talk like that."

"I'm sorry Brooke, I don't know what to tell you. I wish I was more help. When do you go back to her doctor's?"

"Monday."

"Well just tell her your concerns, fears. I know you won't give up on her, no one loves her more than you do. If anyone can help her through this it's you, the way she looks at you Brooke, I know she just wants to be all she can for you, to be at her best. It must be killing her inside to be sick like this. But you'll both get through it, you've come too far not to."

"I know, I know, I'm just so scared Haley. All of this, on top of just trying to get her physically healthy again, it's so much. What if she can't handle it? She's been through too much in her life already, I can't lose her. I can't."

"Brooke, listen to me. You are not going to lose her. You are going to do everything you can to help her, because I know you wouldn't do anything less. Peyton means too much to you, to all of us, and we'll all help you. You're not alone in this, whenever you need me, any of us, you know we'll be there. Try and stay positive, I know it may not be easy, but she needs you, okay? You have to believe that everything will be fine."

"Thank you, Haley, for everything. I know I'm freaking out, but it's Peyton, how could I not? I'm going to let you go, I'll let you know how the appointment goes."

"Okay, take care Brooke, have a goodnight."

"You too Tutor-wife, 'night."

Monday came with sunlight trying to peek its way in through the drawn curtains. Peyton lay propping herself up on one elbow, just watching mesmerized as Brooke slept, a content smile gracing her features. She had been like this for the better part of two hours, just looking on as her love was at peace. Some moments later, after tucking a few renegade brunette hairs back behind an ear, Brooke woke up to the sight of Peyton staring back at her, completely content.

"Hey…how long have you been up?"

"Couple hours. You look so calm when you're sleeping."

"If you needed me you could have woken me, but by the look on your face I assume everything's good?"

"Yeah…"

"Peyton if something's wrong…hey, what's this song?"

"No, nothing's wrong. Um…the song is…oh! _An Unwinding Cable Car_. It's been stuck in my head for a few days, figured maybe if I play it a few times I'll be able to figure out why it's been constantly coming back to me."

The girls sat and listened to the song a few times before Peyton got up and turned off the music, a small smile on her lips. As she made her way back to the bed, she seemed to be relieved of something, something that finally clicked.

_Emotive unstable. You're like an unwinding cable car. Listening for voices, but it's the choices that make us who we are. Go your own way. Even seasons have changed. Just burn those new leaves over. So self-absorbed, you've seemed to ignore the prayers that have already come about. This is the correlation between salvation and love. Don't drop your arms. I'll guard your heart. With quiet words I'll lead you in. Backing away from the problem of pain. You never had a home. You've been misguided. You're hiding in shadows. For so very long. Don't you believe that you've been deceived? That you're no better than… The hair in you're eyes, it never disguised what you're really thinking of. This is the correlation of salvation and love. Don't drop your arms. I'll guard your heart. With quiet words I'll lead you in. You're so brilliant. Don't soon forget. You're so brilliant. Grace marked your heart. This is the correlation between salvation and love. Don't drop your arms. I'll guard your heart. With quiet words I'll lead you in and out of the dark. Don't drop your arms. This is the correlation of salvation and love. Don't drop your arms. I'll guard your heart. With quiet words I'll lead you in._

"You know, I never really noticed it before, but you were always trying to save me too, weren't you?"

"Of course, you were my best friend, I just couldn't let you drift away from me that easily. But I guess life happened, our 'us against the world' bubble was broken, and drama ensued, things happened, and we lost sight of each other. And you know, you were too, trying to save me. Who used to take care of me after I got drunk off my ass? Who always listened to me bitch about my parents or boyfriends, or whatever the hell I was going on about? You."

"Yeah…well at least we found our way back to each other. And as much as you try and help me, I want to help you too. I guess with everything we had, and what we have now, will have, we had to go through all that shit to make it here. If you take the pain out of love then love won't exist. But hopefully, the days of hurting each other, whether we meant to or not, are gone. Because Brooke, I really don't want to hurt you, but I still feel like I'm doing that."

"Peyt, you need to stop worrying so much. Yes, some of this hurts, but not because you're doing anything to me, and not because of you. It's the situation, the circumstance. It hurts to see you struggling, to see you in pain, to know that I can only do so much. And I know you're hurting too, but we have each other, and we'll make it through. You're going to be okay, we'll make sure of it, so everything will work itself out, we'll get our happy ending."

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

"Hey…you almost ready?"

"Just give me about five minutes Blondie, I'll be right there."

Peyton was nervous about going to another doctor's appointment. No, she was feeling off in general, on top of everything else. She didn't know what was wrong though, she just had a strange feeling, like she was about to lose something.

As soon as Brooke was finished getting ready, the pair made their way out to Peyton's car. Claiming a headache that wasn't there, the brunette decided to decline driving. She had a lot on her mind and wasn't focused enough in her opinion. Peyton accepted, reveling in the feeling of the wind flowing through her hair as she controlled the power of the automobile. Something about driving always gave her a thrill, just being behind the wheel and doing anything and going anywhere. It was a comforting feeling to have that.

The drive to Dr. Bell's was usually a short drive, though there seemed to be more traffic than usual. As Peyton continues to steer her convertible along the streets of Tree Hill she got that weird feeling once again. An overwhelming sense of loss overcame her just as she went through and intersection, and as she didn't know what to make of it, she looked over at Brooke and knew. She just knew.

Both women were too lost in their own thoughts to have enough time to react when passing through the next intersection, a truck sped through the red light and smashed right into them on Peyton's side. They never saw it coming, Brooke would be fine, but Peyton knew, she knew she wouldn't.


	13. The Unfinished Symphony

**_AN: Okay, so...final chapter! This is the end, my friends, I hope all who have read this have liked it and again I would like to thank all of you who have been reading and reviewing, I have appreciated them so much. On that note, I gove you the finale._**

**-The Unfinished Symphony-**

A week later Brooke sat next to the hospital bed as Peyton lay in a coma, bruised and broken. Miraculously, she had walked away from the accident with a minor cut on her forehead, some bruising, and a sore body.

Peyton on the other hand wasn't so lucky. She had taken on the full force of the truck. Her left arm, ribs, hip, leg, all were broken, some more severely than others. There was a lot of internal bleeding upon impact as well as head trauma, the severity unknown. She had a huge gash on the side of her head from windshield breaking apart, she had not once regained consciousness since the accident.

Brooke had been by her side from the moment she was out of surgery. Never leaving unless it absolutely necessary, and even then not for more than a few minutes. Her Peyton, her best friend, her girlfriend, her world, her everything, was lying there, in that hospital, slipping away from her. And there was nothing she could do about.

Just then, the heart rate monitor spiked slightly and some machine made a few beeping noised catching the brunette's attention. Moving in closer to the blonde she squeezed the girl's hand and looked over her in such intensity and love she thought she might die when all of a sudden, Peyton opened her eyes.

"Oh my God! Peyton, Peyt you're awake! Jesus I've been so scared, I though I was going to lose you."

"Shh. Brooke, you're going to be okay. I'll always be with you."

"Don't you dare talk like that. Why would you say something like that, Peyton, you've been in a coma, and now you're awake, so you're going to be just fine, alright, you're going to be okay. Remember, we're supposed to have our happy ending."

Brooke was breaking down in tears. The way Peyton was speaking, the finality, the calm in her voice, it was scaring her, like she knew something Brooke didn't.

"Brooke, hey, look at me. Listen to me, I love you, so much. And I am so sorry I have to leave you, but I will always be in your heart, I will always be with you. You've made me so happy, just remember that, it was always you Brooke, it was always you."

"NO! No Peyton. Damn it don't do this to me, don't say those things. Please, Peyton don't leave, I need you, please, I love you!"

"You're going to be just fine, good bye Brooke, I love you."

The heart rate monitor flat lined. Peyton gave Brooke's hand one last squeeze, she gave her one last small smile, and then she was gone. Peyton Sawyer died in the arms of her best friend, her girlfriend, the love of her life, her Brooke. And everything went black.

She woke up with a start, shaking slightly, covered in a cold sweat. For a few moments she didn't know what was going on, her head was throbbing, her chest hurt, her heart hurt. Flashes, images, scenes quickly played out in her head at such lightening speed. As quickly as they came, they were gone again. Had it all been a dream? She couldn't remember, her mind was getting hazy.

"Must have been one hell of a dream."

The blonde got out of bed and went to take a shower, washing away all remnants of sleep, and the dream.

Later in the morning Peyton was sitting at her computer, thinking over what she had told Brooke the previous night. She hated herself for what she did, what she said. She was so confused, how could she have done that, and again? Except, that was the thing, something didn't feel right, yes, she felt for him, for Lucas, but she was slowly realizing, maybe it wasn't like that, maybe she was getting her wires crossed. As she was still trying to sort out her thoughts, she heard Brooke enter the room, she hadn't come home the night before.

"I had this horrible dream last night. You see I dreamt that my best friend said she had feelings for my boyfriend. Oh no, wait, that wasn't a dream."

"Brooke, I'm sorry, I didn't wish for this…"

She was about to say something else but then images started flashing through her mind. It was the dream, everything seemed so real, it hurt so much. Putting a hand up to her chest Peyton realized, with a sudden shock, everything.

"I can't believe this is happening again. He's on the God damned door Peyton!"

Seeing the blonde Brooke momentarily was worried, she hadn't said anything else and she looked to be in some pain, but her anger was overtaking her. She didn't even know why she was so angry, because she was truthful in what she had said the previous night, she didn't miss Lucas that much, she had been falling out of love with him for a long time.

As she grabbed her red dress for the wedding and was about to gather her bag, Peyton began to speak again. Her words came out in a voice almost sounding unlike her own, soft, careful, fearful. She was so scared.

"I woke up this morning, so scared. I was shaking, I had this dream, it was so vivid, I could swear it happened."

Normally Brooke wouldn't stick around to hear what she had to say, but there was just something about the way Peyton was talking, the way she stood, so guarded, so fragile, that made her wait, just a little longer, to hear out the blonde.

"What woke me up, I died. I died Brooke, and we had just gotten back to us, we were happy, I was still so sick, but we were going to have our happy ending, you promised, I was supposed to be okay. But I knew I was going to die, I was okay with it, I still didn't want to leave you alone though, that was the hardest part."

"Peyton…I don't even know…what's the point of this, I'm still going to leave…"

"You don't get it, it took us over a year to figure it out, and then I was sick, we lost so much time Brooke, so much time, and even if I do die young like that, I don't want to lose all that time."

By this time Peyton was crying, on the edge of hysterical, she wasn't making any sense to Brooke, and she knew it, but she didn't know any other way to explain it.

"I lied! I didn't mean what I said. I don't even know why I said it, because I honestly don't feel that way. I don't want you to leave, to not speak to me again for over a year, for me to fall back into drugs, to be dependent on cocaine, to get so sick, to die! When I said I still have feelings for Lucas, I don't. I mean he's like a brother more than anything else, he's my friend. This feeling, in my heart, that feels like it's going to strangle me if I don't get this out, get this right before everything else happens, I finally know what it is. It is love, but not for some boy, not for anyone except the only one – you. Don't you get it Brooke, it's always been you, you're the one who's always been there for me, with me, you're the one who would do anything to cheer me up after my mom died, who was there after Ellie, who was my friend above anything else. Even when we drifted over these last couple years, you still tried. You are the one I love. You. I am in love with you. And I can't believe I was so stupid, I was so confused!"

Brooke was so confused, it seemed like this confession came directly out of left field, she didn't know how to react to it. For minutes, while Peyton continued to cry, still clutching her chest, the brunette remained silent.

"But if that was all a dream, then none of it was really real. But what I feel is, I know that. So I get that means that you probably don't feel the same, or anywhere near, and I know you are so mad at me, because all I seem to be able to do anymore is hurt you, hurt everyone. So after the wedding, I'm not going to do it anymore. I promise, you won't have to worry about me anymore, because I'm going to fix it, I won't hurt you anymore."

Still stunned beyond belief, Brooke said nothing, just tried to absorb all she had heard, as she picked up her bag, and walked out the door, left Peyton.

The blonde fell to her knees struggling to breathe as she continued to cry. After several minutes she was beginning to calm down. A half hour later she began to get ready for the wedding, she wouldn't let Haley down, not on her big day. This was one of the last good things she thought she could do for her friends, hopefully she could get through the day without hurting anyone.

As Brooke was walking around before the ceremony, she spotted Rachel and buddied up with her when she saw Peyton coming their way. Peyton barely acknowledged them, didn't even seem to register if either girl had said anything, gave a small smile and continued on her way. The rest of the day, she didn't say a thing to anyone, just smiled politely and left as soon as the reception was over.

Now Brooke was starting to worry. She didn't want to believe Peyton, but for some reason she couldn't help but feel she had really told her the truth. What was frustrating her more was the fact that she wanted to be angry at her, she thought it would be so much easier, than to feel what she had been trying to deny for so long. She hadn't seen Peyton much after Nathan and Haley's wedding ceremony, she was barely around at the reception, no one had heard from her, or seemed to be too concerned about the blonde as she was.

Peyton was at home, staring at the wall. It was passed the time when she had been notified of the crash in her dream, so she hoped maybe that too was something that didn't become a reality. A few minutes later she received a text from Haley saying the couple was safely on the plane and thanking her for helping with the wedding. It was a small relief, maybe the future she had dreamed wouldn't play out like it had, though even if she got a fraction of the good she did, she kind of wished it would.

Later that night, Brooke found herself walking through the familiar door of her best friend. She wasn't sure what she was going to say, what she wanted to hear, but she had spent hours thinking, so many thoughts going through her mind. The only thing she knew she had to do, needed to do, was talk to Peyton.

"Hey…"

Peyton was sitting up in bed, she turned to look at Brooke, a little surprised to see her, but remained silent as the brunette entered and took a tentative seat on the edge of the bed.

"What do you mean when you said that you wouldn't hurt me anymore, you said you'd fix it, that I wouldn't have to worry about you anymore, that you won't do 'it' anymore? I don't understand, what did you mean?"

Deciding to go with the flow and just answer whatever asked, Peyton answered.

"I'll leave. I'll leave you alone and everyone else, I can't hurt you anymore if I'm gone."

"But I don't want you to leave. How…in your dream, how did you die?"

"Car accident. We were on our way to my doctor's, I was driving, another car smashed into us, my side. You were fine, just a scratch. I was in a coma for a week, woke up, died."

Brooke was somewhat confused, even more so with all of this new information, but it was just a dream, right? The tone of Peyton's answers thought, so monotonous, disaffected, it only increased her worry.

"What were you sick with?"

"An…An…I don't know…it's all fading more and more. I don't remember all what happened anymore, like earlier. It was some kind of disease, not cancer though, which I would expect, do expect. The doctor wasn't sure how I got it, I may have been the reason, with all the drugs, but it could have been before that. Um…I was pretty sick, and it made me kind of emotionally unstable a little. I forget why you came back, I think I was going to leave…but you were the only one who convinced me to get healthy, you were saving me."

She was slowly coming back to herself, speaking more like the normal Peyton, but still retreated within herself somewhat.

"Peyton…did you mean it?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said I felt that way about Lucas, I meant you, but I don't expect you to feel like that, and all that time, maybe, maybe now you at least won't spend it hating me, and away from your home. Because you really do belong here and I don't want you to leave Tree Hill because of me."

"I'm not leaving, neither are you P. Sawyer. We're going to get through this. I…what I said last night, about not missing him, it is how I feel. I haven't been in love with Lucas for a long time. The reason why I got so mad was because I was jealous, because I know I don't have feelings for him anymore. For a long time, I don't even know how to explain it Peyton, but I know I've loved you forever, and I've been in love with you for a little while now, I just didn't want to admit it, because I didn't know what it meant, and it scared me."

Leaning back against the head board of her bed, Peyton let out a sigh and stared at Brooke for a good minute before speaking.

"What does this mean?"

"Well, it means that neither of us are in love with Lucas for starters. It means that we're not fighting anymore, that I'm coming back home, here. And it means that I love you Peyton Sawyer, and whatever happens in the future, I'll be there, we'll make it through, together, because I don't ever want to leave you. Whatever happens, Peyt, I'll be right there with you."

"So far, the only thing that I remember happening from my dream that has come true, was our argument this morning. But what if I fall back into drugs, what if I do get sick, what if we get in that car and I die? I'd just be hurting you again, and I can't take that, the look in your eyes, I've hurt you so much already, I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"It doesn't matter. I won't let you use again, and if you do, I'll help you kick it. If you get sick, I'll help you get better. And I will do everything I can to protect you from dying, but even if I can't do that, then at least I'll have had the time I did with the person I love the most. And it would hurt me so much more if I couldn't be with you. Just these past few hours, being away from you, hurt so much. I need you, need to be with you. I can't promise that we won't hurt each other from time to time, but we always work it out. We always come back to each other, because that's who we are Peyton. So just forget about that dream, because we'll rewrite it, we'll fix it before it can happen, and we will get that happily ever after, I promise."

"I missed you, so much Brooke. I'm glad you're back."

"Me too. And Peyton?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Brooke moved up the bed and wrapped Peyton up in her arms. She gave her a kiss on her forehead as they lay together in bed, holding on so tight.

"I love you too, Brooke."

END


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